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  1. Fiona

    Awesome. SKANK!

  2. lesley

    Hi Hannah
    Poor you! I absolutely am with you on this one, I detest putting furniture together, just when I think I’ve cracked it, I turn round to find a lonely screw, just sitting there on the floor looking up at me..Grrrr!
    Great post!

    1. whisperinggums

      That’s probably just the spare – you know, like that little extra button sewn inside your blouse – do you think??!

  3. whisperinggums

    I almost spluttered my wine over the keyboard when you described the bed arriving! However, it is a nice looking bed and I hope you had a good sleep in it last night.

  4. Agnes

    FIVE HOURS?! You should’ve stayed sleeping on the floor! Think of all the chocolate, kale, and peanut butter you could’ve eaten in those five hours!

  5. thehungryscholar

    You skank! I play, I play.

    Congrats on the completed bed!

  6. croquecamille

    Love the punchline! Well done!

  7. Sara

    Nothing infuriates me more than piecing furniture together. If there ever were a case for incorporating expletives into a blog post, this is it. 🙂

  8. Monique@She's Going The Distance

    hahahhaha I LOVE the punchline. So funny!!!

    Also, passionfruit might just be one of my fav flavors in life. That scone sounds bomb!!!

  9. L-Engineer

    Have you determined that you can get it back out the door in less than another five hours?

  10. Hannah

    Fiona: Yeah, I set myself up for that one, didn’t I?

    Lesley: Thank you! And heavens, I don’t know what I would’ve done if there’d been a screw leftover. Actually, yes I do. I would’ve cried.

    Whisperinggums: Gosh, Dad wouldn’t have liked that! 😛 Sleeping is going well so far!

    Agnes: That’s right, add salt to the wound. Harrumph.

    TheHungryScholar: Do you want your fancy chocolate or not? 😛

    Camille: 😀

    Sara: Hurrah for not offending people! I never knew how awful furniture could be until this point…

    Monique: Teehee, I’m glad it gave you a giggle! The scone *sounds* good – but it just didn’t work. Perhaps I’ll have to try and make my own!

    L-Engineer: Oh, don’t worry, the Housemate and I talked about that towards the end of putting it together. I’ve decided what to do: I can never leave. Ever. Even if she departs, I’m going to have to buy this place and make do.

  11. Kath Lockett

    I do remember my husband Love Chunks taking three hours to put together an OfficeWorks (wanks?) computer desk and to this day I’ve never heard such obscene language – and violence directed at a flatpack box – in my life.

    As for your ‘Skank Bed’ -is that so your partners can slide right in from the headboard?

  12. Lisa @ bakebikeblog

    I should not have read this post while sipping tea…..your FreeDAMN comment made me giggle out loud and spray my computer with tea….oops 😉 hehe

  13. Johanna

    ha he – that bed doesn’t look like a flat pat – and I am glad it was you not me – esp as I am sure Sylvia would run off with the most essential screw – but glad you have a bed to sleep on. I have tried the scones – they are ok but not as good as the banana and chocolate scones that were ridiculously short lived

  14. Agnes

    Just keeping it real. What else are BFFs for? 🙂

  15. Jess

    Lawd, I hope that’s the end of your bed-related trials and tribulations. My Ikea bed entailed similar rage and frustration, since in involved putting metal struts over each other then pushing a screw down through them to hold them together… but there was no nut, not because it was missing but because it was meant to be that way… so the struts would fall off after they worked their way down the 5mm screw thread… and fall off… resulting in the bed not being braced properly… which means the slats lining the bottom fall out… and they have been falling out every second day or so… FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS THAT I’VE HAD THIS BED.

    When I finally get a new bed, I quite fancy a bonfire with my current bed at centre stage. Marshmallows will also be involved.

  16. Hannah

    Kath: Partners, plural? I’d be happy to find just one to share Skank Bed with! 😀

    Lisa: A part of me thinks I should apologise, but the other is just chuffed that my exploits made you giggle! At least they contributed something positive to the world!

    Johanna: Thank you! Everyone else looks at it and can’t understand the five hours thing. Grr. I’ve heard the date scones are quite good as well – but I really didn’t like the passionfruit ones!

    Agnes: True dat. I know you only have my best interests in mind 🙂

    Jess: Gosh, I’ll have to tell my housemate this story of yours! She’s rather convinced that IKEA is mecca. Plus, I completely feel you on the bonfire. That’s how I feel about my birkenstocks, because I’ve been unable to wear any shoes apart from them for an entire year, with no end in sight. Stupid bung foot. Just as well I have peanut butter wedding rings to look forward to 😉

  17. Baking Serendipity

    How frustrating. I hate furniture assembly. I always put pieces on backward and have to take all my work apart and start over again. At least it’s together now and looks great!

  18. penny aka jeroxie

    Oh! I actually liked the passionfruit from BD. The chocolate is pretty good too.

  19. Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella

    Ack! You poor thing. I hate those DIY things. In fact we bought a bed from Nick Scali (DON’T, whatever you do, DON’T buy a bed from them, the bed has had more problems that Lindsay Lohan). One good thing was that they put it together at additional expense but it was less taxing on my soul.

  20. Hannah

    Baking Serendipity: Sounds like we’d all prefer for our furniture to come pre-assembled, dropped directly into our homes in the way storks deliver babies! 😀

    Penny: I’m glad someone liked it! I wouldn’t mind trying a few of the other scones – otherwise BD might remain with some negative marks in my mind!

    Lorraine: What, your bed came with an alcohol-monitoring device? That’s no fun… you won’t be able to eat any sherry-infused trifles, for instance, for fear of setting off the alarm at night! (Apparently Freedom also offer an expensive putting-it-together-for-you service… but no one told me about it at the time!)

  21. Laura @ Hungry and Frozen

    Hahaha! Sorry for laughing at your misfortune, it was mostly for the last paragraph 😀 Oh my gosh I can comiserate, I canNOT put things together and I know faced with the same bed I’d take five hours too – if not more.

    Shame the scone wasn’t good – I’m always a bit suspicious of scones and muffins at cafes, they never ‘look’ homemade and are generally not as good as they sound. However white chocolate and passionfruit would definitely be worth trying in one’s own batch of scones, I think…

  22. Ash

    I find that Baker’s Delight scones are always disappointing. Home made is the only way to go.

    Congratulations for making it through the construction of flat-packed furniture, a key Moving Out and/or Bonding with Partner and/or Bonding with Housemate rite of passage :). The end result is certainly beautiful.

  23. Conor @ HoldtheBeef

    Not only does the skank bed require 88 separate screws, it needs two people working on it for five hours. I hate to admit it, but this is pretty impressive. It’s an uber skank.

  24. Hannah

    Laura: Please go ahead and laugh – it’s cathartic for me, to reframe such HORRIFIC events as entertainment. If I can make even one person giggle at my misfortune, it almost becomes worth it 🙂 My housemate wouldn’t even touch the scone – she’s a scone master, but won’t even deign to consider the lemonade kind. It’s tasty tradition all the way for her 🙂

    Ash: Thank you! It was a good bonding moment. I expressed many times over my love for my housemate, and she expressed that she wouldn’t do this for just any old fellow unit-sharer. 😀 Also, home made scones aren’t difficult (despite what the Masterchef contestants think)… I’d much rather save my baked-goods buying for things that involve yeast…

    Conor: It’s like the Taylor Momsen of furniture.

  25. Vaala ◪

    Just dropping in whilst in amongst the madness of life at present (I will be back I promise). I cannot believe your bed took 5 hours to put together! I moved flats yesterday and had a new bed delivered and my flatmate and I got it together in 10 minutes (and most of that was getting the pieces out of the ridiculous amount of packaging). I have to admit though, I read your post the day before and had a mini freakout when I realised I was going to have to put together my bed, especially since it didn’t arrive until 8pm and I was desperate to sleep!

  26. Hannah

    Vaala: I’m sorry my experience struck fear into your heart! Thank heavens yours was a 10 minute job – it seems that’s what most beds are. I, however, STRIVE to be different. Apparently. I hope most of the madness in your life is good madness, or will become good madness soon. And if it isn’t – treat yourself to loads of chocolate and ginger slice 😀

  27. Amber Shea @Almost Vegan

    That’s awful! And though the bed IS pretty, it doesn’t sound like it was worth the work :[

    But…you made me chortle so merrily with the finale of this post that I, for one, forgive the bed for being so difficult 😛

  28. Hannah

    Amber: Being able to give people the chortles makes the bed *almost* worth it in my mind, too. Except…. ARGH. I just want it to LOOK complicated!

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