Once upon a time (well, actually, once upon an August 2010), there was an Australian girl who dreamed of little else but leaving on a jet plane* to travel the world (again).
Instead, she settled for the international experience of making pavlova for a German. A few days after this, the German fed her his schnitzel**.
Alas, Germans often all-too-soon return to Germany, thus ending bed-time stories before little boys and girls have drifted off to sleep.
Luckily for us (who know that fairytales aren’t fairytales without at least some talk of wolves, bears, and dragons), the German and the Australian went to the zoo before parting ways.
A Wayfaring Chocolate Guided Tour of the National Zoo and Aquarium, aka I’m A Trained Zoologist And Can Teach You Knowledge Thoughts For The Putting Inside of Your Head Mind.
Things I Know About Bears:
1. Some of them like porridge that is tooooo hot. Some of them like porridge that is tooooo cold. And some of them like to eat golden-haired girls. (That’s how the story goes, right?)
2. Isn’t it funny how a bear likes honey?
3. BEAR HUG!
Some Other Things I Know About Bears:
1. Oftentimes bears look like they’re smiling, which makes you want to pull on their soft furry ears. However, if you do so, the bear will douse you in hot porridge and then eat your golden hair.
2. BEAR HUG!
Things I Know About Cotton-Top Tamarins:
1. They are actually gremlins. I prefer Gizmo.
2. They don’t like to stay still for the camera.
I shall spare you another Aladdin quote, but I will tell you that I used to have a Rajah bath toy that made getting clean much more fun.
Things I Know About Otters:
1. They’re really cute.
2. But they really stink.
I’m gonna be a mighty king,
So enemies beware!
(Well I’ve never seen a king of beasts
With quite so little hair.)
I’m gonna be the mane event,
Like no king was before!
I’m brushing up on looking down
I’m working on my roar!
[Insert photo of red panda here. I took many photos of a red panda on this particular zoo visit, but when I got home and uploaded the photos, I discovered that said red panda was defecating in every single photo.]
Things I Know About Koalas:
1. They are called koalas. Not koala bears. Remember that.
2. They spend most of their days eating and sleeping. I respect that.
HARRY POTTER FANGIRL MOMENT.
And that, my dears, brings us to the end of today’s Wayfaring Chocolate Knowledge Making Tour. Please leave your donations in the suitcase by the door.
After all, I’ve got a [dream] plane to catch.
* Oh babe, I hate to go.
** Not a euphemism.