There are several signs by which one knows that one is most definitely and irrefutably in the United States. For example:
1. There are more Kardashians on magazine covers than there are magazine covers.
2. Ordering any item from a breakfast menu will lead to receiving said item surrounded by at least three complimentary sides all of which are equivalent to, if not larger in size than, the breakfast item you actually ordered (because who wouldn’t want pancakes and home fries and sausage and fruit accompanying eggs benedict?).
3. A dress suitable for a night of dancing in Las Vegas costs $12, but a university education involves more noughts after the dollar sign than should ever be allowed.
4. Dark chocolate filled with organic vegan bacon sits on grocery store shelves.
sweetriot 70% Dark Chocolate with Organic Vegan Bacon
Dear sweetriot: points for the Fabio reference. (Although I must admit I’m of the generation that only knows Fabio as a complete joke, as the guy who got hit by a goose on a rollercoaster. Was there truly a time when he was appealing to women?)
This dark chocolate bar is fairtrade, gluten-free, dairy-free, and vegan. The chocolate is made from cacao, sugar, soy lecithin, and vanilla, and the bacon bits from textured vegetable protein, soybean oil, salt, and natural flavours (natural… bacon flavours?).
The aroma hinted at a tangy red fruit-focused chocolate profile, with the initial taste supporting this while also sending through a light smokiness. The chocolate wasn’t overly complex in and of itself, but had a nice blend of caster sugar sweetness, vanilla, and the twang common in 70% cacao.
The bacon bits were crisp and generously portioned throughout the bar, though didn’t taste much like bacon to my mind (to be fair, I can’t remember the last time I ate bacon). Instead, they had a smoky, salty, almost molasses-y flavour, and somehow created a flashback memory for me of eating at Sizzlers as a child. I’m guessing I once had bacon bits from its buffet before the chain closed down in Australia?
My family and I used to see Mal Meninga at Sizzlers almost every time we had dinner there (which was rare, so it logically follows that he must have been a regular diner). Also, my brother once ate a bowl of Sizzlers ice cream for dessert then returned to the buffet for a final plate of pickled onions.
Those are all of my Sizzlers memories.
Wait, you wanted closing thoughts on the chocolate, not Sizzlers? Fair enough. This sweetriot chocolate was a tremendous novelty, and the smoky salty crispy tvp bits did create an interesting counterpoint to the simple and sweet chocolate base. ‘Murcah!!