If I ever get kidnapped, it will likely be because a gang of warlords put a sign like the one above next to a truck built for people trafficking, and I’ll simply have wandered straight up the ramp into the darkness asking “Do you have any Ring Pops? Or Trolli sour gummi worms? Wait, why are you chaining me up? Give me back my phone! Where’s my ridiculously overpriced artisan dark chocolate?”
In other words, I can’t resist a sign proclaiming “sweets”. It was just such a sign that lured Amber and me into Little Freshie one day (after we’d delighted in FÜD’s raw vegan wonders), a gorgeous little Kansas City café.
We had a pistachio au bon macaron which, while pleasantly sweet, did fall into the all-too-common trap of tasting more like vague almonds (you know, the kind that can never remember where they left their keys) than pistachios.
I also ordered a shrub, because how often do you get to drink a woody plant of relatively low height? Never, that’s when, because apparently a “shrub” is Little Freshie’s special soda mixed with house-infused vinegar. I opted for the blackberry lavender shrub, and found it to be an refreshing yet bizarre drink, as it was completely tart (not sweet! the sign lied!), fizzy, and gradationally pink.
All things should be gradationally pink, don’t you think?
Conveniently located just a few minutes down the road from Amber’s place resides Christopher Elbow’s chocolate store. As a chocolate blogger, it behooved me to visit, and dear golly am I glad I was so behooved.
Look ye upon Christopher Elbow’s Pecan Toffee, the simple name of which belies its mind-bogglingly-crackly-crispity-cleaving-buttery-heady-intense-sparkling-pecan-saltkissed-rich-dark-chocolate-butterscotch-more-now-please flavour.
If I could, I would happily live on nothing but this pecan toffee, raw cauliflower and zucchini mixed with vegan kimchi and nutritional yeast, Synergy Divine Grape kombucha, and a daily dose of sunshine forever. Or perhaps a month.
After that, I’d likely get bored and want to switch things up. I might replace the cauliflower and zucchini with roasted Brussels sprouts and pumpkin, and the Christopher Elbow Pecan Toffee with Christopher Elbow Fleur de Sel Turtles.
For non-Americans like me who, upon hearing the word “turtle”, think not of confectionary but the creature upon which Discworld rests, Christopher Elbow describes this treat as “perfectly roasted pecans and soft caramel encased in premium dark chocolate … [topped] off with Grey Sea Salt from France. Addictive!”
Here’s how I would describe it: aroma like fruity caramel and the scent of pralines being made in Savannah’s old-fashioned candy stores, chocolate dissolving into rich sweetness around silky firm caramel with notes of golden syrup, marshmallows, and demerara sugar, salt flakes dominant and assertive, heightening the flavour like Berthillon’s salted caramel ice cream, caramel luscious as it melts away like butterscotch fairy-floss.
But, you know, Christopher Elbow’s marketing blurb works too.