By the time you read this, I’ll be on my way to Canada. Or, more likely, I’ll already be in Canada. After all, you surely have better things to do than wait by your computer for my next post to rattle down upon you like candy from a broken piñata.
I feel a bit like a broken piñata myself right now. Well, not broken exactly; it’s more like there are dozens of tiny invisible rips, little weaknesses felt only by me, that have suddenly emerged on the inside of my multicoloured-shiny-gaudy-layered-stickitdown-lacquered papier-mâché lining.
I don’t want to leave. Of course, I’m thrilling with anticipation for Canada, but at the same time I don’t want to leave this glorious America-land where my heart and soul and mind have been soaring, swirling, flying in delight and happiness.
I close my eyes, and I see the Milky Way, I see darkness gilded by shooting stars from my place on an air mattress up in the mountains of Utah, and I laugh.
I close my eyes, and I can’t breathe for thinking of the kindred spirits, the soulsisters, the otherme/wetogether women with whom I’ve met and been hosted by after years of emails and messages, emails and messages that we’ve learned only scratched the surface of the silver-diamond bonds we share.
I close my eyes, and I catch the vanilla perfume of a Ponderosa Pine, I hear a lizard pause in its rustling dash across the sand, and I wonder how it is that I came to be here, talking so openly as I quicken my steps to catch up with my guide.
I close my eyes, and I’m finishing a pint of coconut milk mint chocolate chip ice cream with a spoon as I think of those I wish I could bring back, if even for a day, a week, a year, a lifetime.
I close my eyes, and the sting of smoke, the crashing heat of the sun on my neck, the scent of cities and deserts and mountains and cookies and rain and laughter and solitude and pressing/crowding bodies and music and the taste of bitter coffee on my lips,
it’s dazzling and it’s mine and it’s fragments and it’s forever
and maybe, just maybe,
these next steps into Canada
will also shimmer, dazzling fragments forever mine.