By the time you read this, I’ll be on my way to Canada. Or, more likely, I’ll already be in Canada. After all, you surely have better things to do than wait by your computer for my next post to rattle down upon you like candy from a broken piñata.
I feel a bit like a broken piñata myself right now. Well, not broken exactly; it’s more like there are dozens of tiny invisible rips, little weaknesses felt only by me, that have suddenly emerged on the inside of my multicoloured-shiny-gaudy-layered-stickitdown-lacquered papier-mâché lining.
I don’t want to leave. Of course, I’m thrilling with anticipation for Canada, but at the same time I don’t want to leave this glorious America-land where my heart and soul and mind have been soaring, swirling, flying in delight and happiness.
I close my eyes, and I see the Milky Way, I see darkness gilded by shooting stars from my place on an air mattress up in the mountains of Utah, and I laugh.
I close my eyes, and I can’t breathe for thinking of the kindred spirits, the soulsisters, the otherme/wetogether women with whom I’ve met and been hosted by after years of emails and messages, emails and messages that we’ve learned only scratched the surface of the silver-diamond bonds we share.
I close my eyes, and I catch the vanilla perfume of a Ponderosa Pine, I hear a lizard pause in its rustling dash across the sand, and I wonder how it is that I came to be here, talking so openly as I quicken my steps to catch up with my guide.
I close my eyes, and I’m finishing a pint of coconut milk mint chocolate chip ice cream with a spoon as I think of those I wish I could bring back, if even for a day, a week, a year, a lifetime.
I close my eyes, and the sting of smoke, the crashing heat of the sun on my neck, the scent of cities and deserts and mountains and cookies and rain and laughter and solitude and pressing/crowding bodies and music and the taste of bitter coffee on my lips,
it’s dazzling and it’s mine and it’s fragments and it’s forever
and maybe, just maybe,
these next steps into Canada
will also shimmer, dazzling fragments forever mine.
You kick major booty in any and every continent you find yourself in, so don’t be sad…you’re entering a new phase of ass-kicking, but with more maple syrup.
I intend to drink maple syrup in lieu of coffee at least once every day. Thanks love .
Awwww, that’s beautiful, Hannah.
I’m sure that Canada will also provide you with glittery twinkles of she-dom, candy-la las and full-funshine…. Or something like that (toddles off for her second coffee of the morning)…..
Thank you Kath. I’m sure it will. I’ve already got blue skies, delicious coffee, and sunshine, so I’ll keep my eye out for glitter today.
Aw, it seems like your time in the US went by so quickly!
I’m sure you will have just as much fun creating your own adventures in Canada
I hope so
it does seem too short a time in America but if only there were years and years to explore every country – alas – enjoy canada – would love to go there myself but will just have to go there vicariously
One day you can come with Sylvia, and eat much maple syrup on desserts together.
We will set our speedometer to soar and together we will find the adventures you seek. America will be there – seeing your sparkle just to the north. If you stick with Canada through the cold – the rewards are immense.
xo
Together, we will sparkle with such radiance that the cold will barely touch us. xo
I can’t believe the American adventure ha come to and end. But fear not – the Canadian one is about to begin. Here’s wishing many many more moments of squee-dom and sparkles
Neither can I, but Canada is surely going to be amazing in a whole ‘nother way. A “real life” way…
This is a lovely ode which I feel an affinity with, if only because your two+ months here have signified summer’s drawing to a close for me. Try as I might to prolong this glorious sun and heat and happy times and sparkly memories, winter is coming.
So if at first Canada doesn’t seem quite perfect enough (although I bet it will), give it time… it may just be the weather:)
Bahaha, can anyone say/hear the phrase “winter is coming” NOT in a deep Game of Thrones-esque tone anymore? Thankfully, Toronto is sunny and blue today, so that’s nice.
And thank you, dearest. I shall remember that.
Oh, Canada! I’m sure this won’t make you feel any less sad about leaving behind what you’ve already completed, but Canada, in my experience, is full of the nicest and most genuinely *good* people. All of them. Or at least, most of them. Random strangers, and old friends.
Thank you Theresa, that truly makes me feel peppier. Funnily enough, pretty much as soon as I got on the Air Canada flight, I knew exactly what you meant. Happy lovely people galore!
Dear Hannah,
I think Canada is one of the most beautiful countries in the world especially during autumn and I’m sure you’ll find happy moments in a new place, just make sure that chocolate jar is full too.
Thank you! It’s a glorious blue shining day today, and the chocolate jar is always full, so I think I’ll be just fine.
I’m sure you’ll have a fantabulous time in Canada too. It’s a very interesting country and I bet you feel the same way when you have to leave there too
I’m sure I will. My heart has been torn by leaving pretty much every person and place I’ve visited so far.
Your words sparkle with beauty, my dear. It was really tough to let you go too, but I have no doubt that Canada will be yet another incredible, wonderful adventure. And since I am you after all, you have to take my word for it. <3
Thank you my darling. I can’t wait for you to come visit me, so we can take your words for it together. (That didn’t make sense, but at the same time, we both know it makes perfect sense
)
Hannah, you are such a beautiful writer. I know those feelings well. Enjoy your time in Canada! Can’t wait to continue reading about your adventures!
Oh Laura! Thank you. That means so much.
Miss you, miss you, miss you. Love this post.
I wish I could “go outside” with you right now too…!
Teehee, so you DID get that text!
The urge doesn’t come often, but when it does, oh how it makes me miss you even more…
Beautiful post, my dear. I hate to leave wonderful things. I always want to go back in time to favourite places – ummm Sicily???!! I think it’ll be easier to move on if you know that things can get even better. Each day more adventures, more learning and discovery, more life. And you can always go back to your favourite heartwarming spots. Just with more knowledge and life experience. Who’s not to say the next adventure will be the best?
Heidi xo
I love you and I love this comment. Thank you for your wisdom and your support. hugs hugs hugs.
P.S. When I was talking to my mum about this, she reminded me that I’ve also felt blissfully at home/happy/soaring with bloggers like you in Melbourne. She’s right. xo
You will just love Canada my dear, I promise you! Just dress warmly and all will be fine
I hope so! Lisa and I spent today walking all over (no really, all over) the city in the sunshine. It’s been a pretty wonderful first day
Your American adventure may have been simply super incredible but your Canadian adventure will be just as if not more! Have fun my friend
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
Fingers crossed! And thank you.
Oh Zion, how I love thee – and you in it. Canada will be just as exciting and wonderful -just you wait. (But also colder!)
Well spotted
Thank you Mum. As long as I don’t overthink it and let the happiness find me rather than panicking about finding it… all will be well. xo
Oh Canada! I am sure you will dazzle there too. My tip: two pairs of socks if it’s already freezing.
I’m going to need more than two. I was wearing two at night in New York when it was 15 degrees.
You remind us how fun it is to just close our eyes…. and dream =) And yay you’re onto the next leg of your mega trip. Pls say hi to some Canadians for me hehehehhe… Just go up to a random stranger and say “Winston says Hi”, then walk away. Thanks! Haha
Bahaha! I’ll totally do it! Apparently Canadians are ridiculously nice, so I bet they’ll say hi back
It’s good you are feeling a little sad about leaving…. means you are connected, mindful and letting your emotions do their job
Canada will be amazing… can’t wait to hear of your travels. Are you going to Toronto?
Already here
Thank you, Lou.
*Hugs* I know how painful it is leaving somewhere that feels so right…but I share your hope that Canada might just provide rightness too, and more joy, and adventure, and soul sisters (or even soul brothers, I shouldn’t be biased
) and much more beyond. Save travels / arrivals / exploring!
I’m open to any kind of soul connection, I think. Thank you, Kari! Here’s to magical futures for us both.
I hope your time in Canada is as precious as your time in the US. You are certainly having a wonderful time away xx
Thank you, Charlie. Fingers crossed.
I’m glad that you’ve had such a lovely holiday, O, Canada is a fabulous place too as I’m sure you’re discovering. Hope it’s all that you’ve hoped for.
I think it might be getting there. I probably won’t actually travel and see much beyond Toronto until the weather gets warmer, though. Think it might be a brutal to try and fall in love walking around in -20C!