As an Australian, America’s obsession with chain restaurants strikes me as an amusing yet heebie-jeebies-creating novelty.
However, after finding myself seated at Dick’s Last Resort (where the stools had female mannequin legs, the ranch dressing was used to mimic certain bodily fluids, and the waiter yelled at me for taking too long to eat my salad), eating at Chili’s and Denny’s in Cedar City seemed almost like fine dining.
Well, no, not really. But when it’s 11pm and you’re surrounded by friends, beer, and laughter, even chips and pancakes have the potential to feel like Michelin living.
After all, at a Michelin-starred restaurant you’d expect the tostada chips to arrive warm, crisp, and just-fried, right? Well, Chili’s ticked that box. (I ate one of those pots of salsa straight with a spoon, pretending it was a spicy gazpacho. I’m one classy broad, y’all.)
As you can see, Matt was deeply excited about his honey-chipotle chicken crispers. According to reports, the crispers were deceptively spicy. All I know for sure is that the fries I pinched were tasty albeit insanely salty.
I, too, was excited about my dinner of grilled chicken salad with cheese, tomatoes, black beans, corn relish and honey-lime vinaigrette. You’ll note, though, that unlike Matt, I managed to keep my tongue in my mouth.
It’s easier to eat that way.
Another night, Matt, Sam, and I ducked into the nearest Denny’s for some post-show noshing, and in so doing managed to convince Jacob to come along for the ride.
HEY JACOB I MISS YOUR FACE.
And your flouffy Titus Goth outfit.
That is all.
Here you see Matt acting like the king of the castle over his Lumberjack Slam of buttermilk pancakes, grilled ham, bacon strips, sausage links, eggs, hash browns and toast.
If you think I didn’t eat half of his salty crispy hash brown whilst singing “I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay / I sleep all night and I work all day / I cut down trees, I eat my lunch / I go to the lavatory / On Wednesdays I go shopping / and have buttered scones for tea” then you don’t know me at all.
Mmm, pancakes with butter and all the maple syrup. (Served with a side of SamBlur.)
Sometimes, though, after eating at chain restaurants and trying new cocktails and snacking on endless faux-healthy candy bars, a girl needs an enormous plate of green.
And then two shopping bags-full of coconut milk ice cream, chocolate, nut butters, raw treats, frozen kefir, and bizarre spaghetti made out of tofu.
‘Muricah!
Dick’s Last Resort sounds hilarious.
Also, I now have a craving for chipotle chicken. And frozen kefir is sounding like s suitably pleasing snack too.
It was rather entertaining, particularly when two male newlyweds handcuffed together in pink underwear wandered in to much applause.
Mmm… I want Lumberjack Slam of buttermilk pancakes, grilled ham, bacon strips, sausage links, eggs, hash browns and toast now please.
Oh my… those places make me want to shudder… but I can appreciate the good company. there have been a few late nights spent in a waffle places I won’t mention.
I do hope you’re getting some delicious gourmet local fare too though! I promise that America isn’t all chains.
Don’t worry, I know America has lovely “real” food too. I went to an incredible only-open-once-a-week restaurant mecca of gourmet local food just last night
hmmmm… pancakes… loaded with maple syrup!!!! and tofu spaghetti????? hehe America sure have the yummy AND weird
And that’s why I love ‘em.
My best friend in high school worked at Denny’s so we went there frequently to partake in late night snacking using her wicked discount. I kicked back wayyyy too many pancakes, home fries and chicken burgers than I like to think about
We don’t have home fries in Australia, so that still sounds pretty good to me.
You are a brave girl. Both of those places are on my “will not eat at” list. Not to snub my nose at them or anything, just that of the last two times I found myself at Denny’s a fight broke out both times. And, well, Chili’s is just evil. I have no amusing anecdote to back that up, but I assure you it’s evil.
That’s interesting; everyone else I’ve spoken to so far has felt that Chili’s is one of the only acceptable options. Far more so than, say, Ruby Tuesday’s, or the apple one? I have a soft spot for Chili’s because there used to be one between Canberra and Sydney in Australia, and as a kid we’d sometimes stop for the hot fudge brownie sundaes
Oh my, your salad looks divine … (as does whatever it is that’s in front of Jacob) …
I think Jacob’s was some sort of veggie omelette over home fries?
Yum! (tucks Chili’s away into the memory bank …)
There used to be a Chili’s on the way to Sydney from Canberra, and as a kid I’d always beg my parents to go there so I could have the insanely rich hot fudge brownie sundae
Am I stingy or are those enormous servings of food? They look substantial. Were you able to eat all of that meal? It sure looks like you’re have the best time xx
It’s ‘Muricah! All the food is huge! (Have you travelled here before, I wonder?) And almost everyone walks out of every restaurant (even higher end ones) with styrofoam cases of leftovers. It’s weird.
Damn you, now I have the song in my head. But then again I can never be angry with Michael Palin.
PURE GOLD.
I also have the cheese skit in my head now.
I LOVE your pic of all your goodies…. frozen kefir?! YUMMO. Apple cider vinegar? Yes please! Sooooooo envious of fun yanky health products (and weirdly intriguing fast food chains!)
You’re definitely one of the people I knew would love that photo.
And tell me – who are these lovely gents who eat such enormous helpings of food?
I’m confused? Sam, Matt, and Jacob, like I wrote? Or do you mean more generally speaking, like “who are Americans to eat so much food”?
….and WHY aren’t any of them enormous for doing so?
Good to hear that you’re getting your veggies!
Hehe could we have a mention of Dick’s Last Resort in every post pretty please? 
I think I’ve told all I can safely tell about that place for now
I’m not sure why I’d think about the dining options of America’s restaurant chains, but the side of SamBlur has a certain appeal and your supermarket purchases have a lot of appeal
I just spent nearly a minute trying to see all the products in greater detail. I’m so glad you’re happy, too!
Ah, Chili’s, some chain restaurants are just meant to be.
So many fond memories of that hot fudge brownie sundae at Campbelltown on the way to grandma and grandpa’s place!
I just had coconut milk ice cream for the first time (Co Yo’s, which is found in almost every deli/health food store on the Gold Coast but I’ve never come across it in Melbourne?!?!) and OMG, it’s AMAZING!
And that’s one massive serving of tostada chips! Wow!
Aaaaaah, I never found any in Canberra! All we had was So Good’s vanilla and chocolate ice cream, which tasted insipid and sad to me.
wow you really have experienced alot! i think i will have to pull out my chipotle powder next week and cook up some deliciousness……
Ohhhhhhh, theatre people.
Oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh thought of you the other night, we were watching a replay of a downhill mountain biking race in Austria, and one of the competitors was from your town! It gave me a chance to practice saying Canberra correctly:)
Can-brah! Can-brah! Teehee!
I think I would be very excited about that bowl of greens after all the diner dinners – am fascinated by the tofu spaghetti – whaaaaat!!!!!!! Oh to browse some of those american food stores with you – maybe I just need to head out to the american store in Melbourne
Alas, I’ve never really been that thrilled by USA Foods (except for the PB&Co flavoured peanut butter), because it tends to showcase America’s mainstream processed candy preservative type of foods only, not the truly wacky health foods I love
Haha! This whole post cracked me up. You and your friends look like you have so much fun!
We definitely had some laughs.
OMG you bought so much
and I love chillis too hehe ~
I love these crazy food posts. Your salad looks delicious. As does your warranted enormous plate of green. Your friends are wonderfully crazy.
Heidi xo
Green things make me almost as happy as glitter does.