So many emotions.
So very many emotions.
So many goodbyes and so many squeezy-tight hugs, but also so much love and support and excitement and texts and hand-written messages that make me feel all squiggly inside. So many wonderful friends who remind me that the thrill of adventure awaits just beyond the right-now tasks and paperwork and anxiety and packing and cleaning and 3am freak-outs about the fact that I still need to buy pyjamas and swimmers and luggage to put the pyjamas and swimmers in and –
Breathe. Breathe.
Breathe and be like this Pied Cormorant on Lake Burley Griffin, breathe to pause and soak in the sunshine as the water twinkles from green to blue around me.
Breathe and simply enjoy a handful of chocolate, rather than scurrying around to take photos, write tasting notes, pen a review. Breathe and focus on the sweetness, crisp almonds, and tiny currants of Koko Black’s Dark Chocolate Mendiants.
Breathe instead of crying when my gospel choir wishes me farewell, breathe and be thankful for the kindred spirits I’ve met at Strange Weather, breathe for the glorious memories of Moruya, of my solo, of hushed giggling, of standing in the carpark after rehearsal talkingtalking despite the fact that it’s 10:30pm and freezingblack under the stars.
Breathe because even though cleaning out my apartment and childhood bedroom simultaneously has at times threatened to swallow me whole, there’s always time to play with Polly Pockets.
Particularly when crystals and polar bears are involved. (Or Japanese restaurants, puppies, French restaurants, or jet skis… but I digress.)
Breathe and enjoy trying to eat through the pantry and fridge, particularly if this involves nightly feasts of sweet protein pudding (vanilla Sunwarrior protein powder, coconut flour, cacao nibs, and almond milk), the incredibly amazing and deliciously addictive raw cashews and cacao nibs with coconut nectar that my Lisa brought me from Bali, enormous bowls of roasted Brussels sprouts (ten minutes in the AirFryer with thyme-infused olive oil, black salt, and panch phora), and sometimes simply a jar of almond butter, a bottle of maple syrup, a bowl, and a spoon.
Breathe because that part of cleaning up is fun. That and the Polly Pockets.
Breathe and remember that every moment, both here in the cozy stream of loved ones and familiar safety and out there in the great wide sparkling beyond, is worth savouring.
Even the moments wherein I freeze, panicked, because I still haven’t bought any pyjamas.
I haven’t thought of Polly Pockets in YEARS! I wonder where mine went…
You are right just breathe and it’ll all be fine. Remember to enjoy the ride.
I’d completely forgotten Polly Pockets even existed until I found the shoebox full of ‘em!
Thank you, Laura. It’s going to be an amazing ride. The most amazing rides are the scariest, right?
I never had Polly Pockets, and I always thought they were silly, but never before this moment had I actually seen any up close. In the [internet] flesh. I want some!
I also maybe want to make your gospel picture my new desktop, but crop you and everyone else out except for that friendly face in the upper right. SURPRISE!
Polly Pockets are AMAZING. Not least because they can in no way be said to be suggestive of, or encourage kids to idealise, sexywhoretimes.
Bahaha! That desktop picture would be glorious. He’s a lovely guy.
POLLY POCKETS!
Breathe breathe breathe. I almost hurt for you, in a way…the bittersweetness…yet I’m so excited for you as well. <3
Thank you for understanding, my darling. Sometimes, when I’m in the midst of one of my ten second bursts of sobbing, I think of you and become so excited everything stops.
Oh Polly Pockets- I had so many of those
They were some of my favourites, second only to barbies…lord I was such a girl!
Your trip is getting so close and while goodbyes are hard, know you will see them again! And if it’s hard to say goodbye it means they mean a lot to you, which is a lovely thought
You can always buy things in the U.S. and Canada! We have stores
So don’t stress about getting absolutely everything before you go!
Good luck with the rest of your goodbyes and preparations!
I found a box of Barbies, too, and it was kind of gross. Their hair was falling out.
Aw, thank you Gabby! That’s such a lovely way to think about it. You’re right, I’m truly lucky to have so many people I’ll miss and who’ll miss me.
Teehee, I’m totally planning a big clothes and shoes spree in the US and Canada. Makes me feel better about the fact that most of my current clothes are falling apart
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I am SO SO SO excited for you
Thank you Lou!! I swear, it’s only when friends/family say this that I remember the excitement. I’m so overwhelmed with other emotions right now!
I remember the week before I left for Melbourne I was just bawling the whole time…. but when the time came to get on the plane I was completely fine – it was like my body just needed to get rid of all that pent up emotion or something. Preparing itself you know? Just ride that emotional roller coaster – it’s a good thing, believe me!
It truly is good to get it out of the way, I think! Last night, I told Mum I loved her and started crying. Then I read the card my grandparents gave me and started crying. Then I unpacked all of the “too-special-to-use” food ingredients I’ve been hoarding and now don’t have enough time to eat, and started crying.
Breathe … and remember that there are essentials like your passport and ticket and then there’s everything else, most of which can be picked up in New York if you forget to pack them. Bonus then of course is that like your Florentine dress, you can later say “oh these bathers, I got them when I was in New York”.
You are DARLING. Because one of the few items of clothing I’m taking is the green Florentine dress, and you remember. HEART. You know what? It’s actually now less the preparing for the over-there that is stressful, and more the fitting-in-all-the-farewells and cleaning-cleaning-cleaning that are terrifying. But I’ll get there
Yes! Breathe! And sleep in underwear (or less, ooh-er) it’s more comfy!
That photo of you with your gospel choir is gorgeous, even though you’re still in the photo (well of course, it’s a photo) I can tell (well, I assume) how full of the music you are.
You’ll be fantastic. Especially with raw cacao nibs on your side!
No no no Laura, don’t encourage me! That’s the whole problem! I’ve spent the majority of the past two years sleeping in underwear-or-less-ooh-er, but that can’t be when I’m spending much time staying with friends. I must endeavour to be decent.
Aw, that’s lovely! This photo was actually from our warm-up, so we’re all super-focussed on Dan. I still keep trying to find the courage to post a clip of us actually singing at our concert (I have not the courage to post my solo!)
xoxo
The bonus is that Polly Pockets are small and can easily fit in your luggage, right?
So. Tempting.
Then go buy those dang pyjamas and all will be well with the world!
MWAH. I hope I find a pair covered in glitter.
Everything will be fine my friend, just keep up that breathing
Think about all the experiences you are about to have and I’m sure that lump in your throat will loosen a little
My best!
Uru
Thank you my dear! That truly helps
Sorry I haven’t been around these parts for a while as it’s clear I’ve missed a bit of what’s been going on in your whirlwind kind of life… it sounds like you are on a brink of a new chapter which will I’m sure be pack with even more adventures and new friends, but you are right. Breath in, take it one day at a time and savour the moments that will forever be ingrained in treasured memories
.
Oh golly, Ames, no need to apologise for dancing along in your own wonderful life! Thank you for taking the time to write your beautiful comment xo
super sad face
But happy face when I think of the new adventures you will have!
Oh I-Hua, I only just stopped crying, don’t make me start again! xoxo
Yes, deep breaths! So much excitement, indeed, but you’ll be fine, lady. Bring it on!
Thank you!! Also, I can’t hear “bring it on” without thinking of spirit fingers.
You can buy PJs over there!
So so so excited for you, Hannah! We’re behind you in every step of your very exciting journey
xx
I can buy ALL THE THINGS over there! Squeee! But maybe it might be fun to buy a nice pair here to show off Aussie style to the Americans. Peter Alexander is meant to be good?
Thank you Libby! Oh, your comment is about to make me cry again too.
Nothing like travel to make you appreciate the small stuff!
Lovely to read you post as I sat down finally with some time to breathe after rushing about all day. In out in out!
And in out in out in out calm calm calm smile calm.
Am I the only person to have a stripe covering up both sides of your text? BTW I tried the vegan blondies and shocked my family by how delicious they are. Good luck on your big adventure! As a parent of similar age “children”, I wish mine would do the same – there’s plenty of time for sensible later.
Ack, I’m so sorry about that Karen, I haven’t heard anything about this from anyone else yet, but I’m on alert! Might I ask which web browser you’re reading my blog on? My dad’s a software engineer, so I can ask him about it.
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment! Your support for my adventure, looking at it from the “other side” so to speak, makes me feel so much more confident in my decision. Thank you. And hurrah for delicious blondies!
I’m reading on my iPad, but it’s all looking good now.
I’d like to think I fixed that through the power of my mind.
Definitely keep breathing darling. And playing with those polly pockets – a wonderful de-stressor if ever there was one.
Also, if you forget pyjamas? They probably have them in NYC too
Thank you Kari! Actually, NYC doesn’t have any pyjamas at all, but they do have pajamas. I’m just not sure I want to buy the latter.
And suddenly Polly Pockets are everywhere! Somehow it will all happen. You can indeed by pyjamas when you get there, all that 24 hour shopping. Panic not.
Ah yes, the magic of never-closing stores! Particularly in NYC
P.S. Perhaps you could tell my mum that it’s okay if my childhood bedroom is still a little bit full of things like Polly Pockets?
Of course it’s OK – I still have my childhood Barbies and you know how old I am! I just wanted decisions made and things not wanted gone. And, I know that you know you’re glad you’ve done it!
Exactly! You still have your childhood Barbies at the age of 35!
I’m very glad indeed
Still a bit to go, but getting there! Hurrah for having time to make delicious desserts for everyone too 
Peace out sista and forget the pjs. Safe trip xxcat
Forgetting the PJs sounds good in theory, right up until the point where I arrive in Utah to stay in my friend’s room.
Borrow a tshirt darl, you’re on the road now! Xx
LOL Catherine … that’s what she’s been wearing for the longest time!
Shhh Mum! Otherwise everyone will find out that I dress like a ragamuffin 24/7!
I love the photo of you in the choir. And those fabric flowers are such a lovely touch. It must be getting so exciting now and the trip must be becoming all the more real. What an awesome time for you. I do wish you well in all your preparations and I can’t wait to follow your journey xx
Thank you Charlie! That is my serious “listen to the musical director during warm-ups before our concert” face. I don’t wear it very often.
And thank you so much for your support, and coming along for the ride.
Hannah…you’re almost here. I am so excited. My heart is so full of love anxiously waiting to be bestowed.
p.s. We need to recreate the Bali cashew clusters. I almost forgot how gloriously good they are. I remember eating them on Christmas morning during a rainstorm in a rice field.
There are not even words for the happiness I feel upon coming to the final comment here at 11:20pm, after a long day of bittersweet farewells, and seeing your name. Thank you, dear heart.
P.S. Oh yes, please, can we? So wonderfully crispy, sweet-but-not-too-sweet, and reminiscent of happiness. For you, the happiness of a magical Christmas, for me, the happiness of a magical soulmate. xo
Breathing is good. Breathing helps. Deep breaths before plunging in always work in the end. The times I’ve been most frightened before taking that big breath have always been the most memorable and rewarding. Best of luck to you after the farewells are over and the adventure finally begins!
I have absolutely thought a few times, in the past week, “Kath has done this, and A.DazzlingLady has done this, and even I’ve done this before. All will be well.” At least the busy-ness prevents some of the crying-ness!
You’re going to be amazing. I know it. Don’t forget us all when you become famous y’hear?
Says the lady who is being filmed for TV and shenanigans! I still think the only way I can be famous is as your PA
Heart you! xo
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Good luck with everything babe! And all the best.
Oh Polly Pockets! I never had one for my own, but a friend of mine had a couple of those and we loved them (my parents did not believe in plastic toys).
And I want that chocolate dessert on top!
Teehee, I was allowed Polly Pockets but not a Baby Born!
OMG! I use to love Polly Pockets and had so many of them but hahhaa Polly was so tiny I would lose her and mum had to buy another Polly Pocket and get me a new Polly ahaha
I know how you feel…the decision to leave already requires courage and now so many people bidding you farewell ~ But like I said I’m still SUPER DUPER excited for you and the new memories and stories you are going to share with us!
Enjoy the time you have at Home and prepare for the new adventures YAY!
Wow, your Mum was far more accommodating than mine! If I lost toys, they were just gone. No replacement for me!
Thank you Daisy
Oh you’re going to have such an amazing time
I cant wait to hear about it!!
I was never allowed to have Polly Pockets because my parents thought I’d lose the pieces. They were probably right but still didn’t stop me from resenting them every time I saw a similarly aged girl with one.
I’m so so excited for you! It’s all happening!