“Something’s happening to her skin!”
Happening. Present continuous tense. Something dreadful is happening to your skin.
Combining this present continuous tense with the anxious looks on the faces of the two people before me, I started to imagine that my skin was bubbling and melting, or sinking in on itself, or simply and with finality falling off my face. For a long moment, my heart flickered and skittered. I looked from the man to the woman and then back again, seeking reassurance that I was okay. That I was going to be okay. Please, please, would somebody please tell me that I was going to be okay?
“I think we should try the Superbalance Number 2,” the woman said after a long and drawn-out pause. “This one’s making her look too yellow.”
And so, as I watched with unblinking deer-in-headlights eyes, the man reached over to the other side of Clinique counter and picked up a different bottle of expensive liquid.
“Yes, that’s the one,” said the woman, dabbing at my nose with a brush that almost-but-didn’t-quite-tickle. “See how her face now matches her décolletage? See? She’s got that alabaster tone. Not many people do these days.”
That, my friends, is how David Jones managed to remind me once again that I’m in many ways more suited to a 19th century pale-skinned upper class lifestyle than this 21st century world of ours with its Snookis, one night stands, and bronzed bikinied Bacardi Breezer babes that I couldn’t emulate even if I wanted to. (I don’t, for the record. Give me a beer any day.)
Also, I made another smoothie.
It may not be the most vibrantly green of green smoothies, but at least I poured it into a glass this time, right?
‘Course, after taking several photos I poured the smoothie back from the glass into a bowl and pulled out my favourite spoon, but really, after that ordeal with the Clinique people, can you blame me?
Mango Pineapple Green Smoothie
Serves 1
- 2/3 cup (110g) frozen mango
- 2/3 cup (110g) frozen pineapple
- large scoops Vanilla Sunwarrior Protein Powder
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 3 handfuls of greens (baby spinach would create a prettier colour than the Mesclun mix I used, scattered through as it was with dark purple leaves)
- 1 cup water, non-dairy milk, or milk of your choosing
- Blend everything. Wheeeee! Isn’t life fun?
Sending this through to Ricki’s Wellness Weekend again!
{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }
Ohhh… I just cut up a mango today. I’ll have to try this out! I love pineapple in smoothies with cilantro.
Ooh, using coriander a smoothie is a brilliant idea! I wonder how thyme would go…
Wheeeee! Why is it that I never make smoothies? Is it my sad decrepit blender? Probably not. Is it my decrepit Clinique liquid makeup-lacking face? Definitely not, although I almost went and bought a new bottle last weekend. Is it that I can’t relate to the hordes of Twilight haters who abound as members of the WayChoc boosters club? I like the Vampire Diaries! …I know nothing about Twilight.
Is it that smoothies have never enticed me, despite sprinkles? Yes, I think this is the answer. But I too am too busy engrossed in my alabaster visage, wishing it was the 1870s and I could hang out with Sally Lockhart, solving crimes and dashing about all madcap in floor-length skirts.
Sometimes, I wish my complexion was even paler. Sell me on smoothies!
Oh my gosh, you just made my day with that “WayChoc boosters club” reference, predominately because I’m not entirely sure what that means and I know you’re being tongue-in-cheek but, well, it sounds delightful anyway
Oh, and I totally watch Vampire Diaries. Stuff happens in it, yo! Also True Blood.
Do you actually wear Clinique too? That would make me happy. I know nothing – NOTHING – about make-up, and so requested the advice of a make-up savvy friend who emailed me some recommendations which I then printed out and took with me to the store. But hey, I didn’t end up leaving with cake-face, so I’m happy!
I’ve never read the Sally Lockhart series. Are they worth it? I”d probably have to finish the four books I’m currently reading first, though.
Sell you on smoothies? Um… buy a Vita-Mix in Australia, where they cost just shy of a grand, and then feel so guilty about it that you have to make smoothies a lot to feel better. And…. go!
A boosters club would be like a group of moms that gets together to raise money for their kids’ school… in this case, I picture members of your boosters club to wear 1950′s styled letter sweaters with a big WC on the front. This is what I picture all the other comment-leavers to be like at times:) I would love a WayChoc boosters club letter sweater!
Yes, I wear Clinique too. I like their mascara, but my makeup regime hardly ever goes past that, since the only bottle of liquidy stuff I’ve ever had is long gone. Hence a bit weird that I was considering replacing it only last weekend:)
I think the Sally Lockhart books are totally worth it. Different from His Dark Materials, but very good in their own way. I believe I read those first, before HDM came out. And, I am equally in love with a character in these books as I am with Will.
I need a better blender, but I can’t ever see myself spending more than $60 on one;)
It is now my sincerest and most major goal in life to earn enough money to justify creating WC boosters club letter “sweaters” (jumpers, to me). Sure, no one except you and my family would ever want to wear them, but that would be enough for me.
Teehee! I love our make-up synchronicity (along with our four hundred and seventy thousand others
) I only wear foundation, a swipe of brown eyeliner, and a swipe of green eyeshadow, then mascara if I have something more formal to attend. I think my mascara is Maybelline though… and about four years old.
Hmm. I don’t know if any fantasy character could ever replace Rushton in my heart…
hahaha I LOVE your recipe instructions here. I didn’t know you were a beer girl. How about vino? I enjoy a beer with pizza or thai food – but it has to be a pale ale. & Hannah, your 19th century pale-skinned upper class lifestyle skin is divine. Snooki = poo.
Heidi xo
I also love you for using the term poo on my blog. High five!
Oh my pale-skinned sister, wear it an be proud! Much better to be natural in whatever tone you have than to look like you lost a fight on the set of The Wizard of Oz.
“Wheeeee! Isn’t life fun?” Yes, yes it is – thank you for reminding me
*laughs* Oh, don’t you worry, I’ve never aspired to be yellow! After all, I’m awesome to have around in a black-out. No need for candles with my whitey-mc-whiteyness around! And blood-test nurses LOVE me. I assume it’s the same for you
Aw, ZOMG! You’re more than welcome
Pale is the way to be, yo!
Darn tootin’! Now pass me my bonnet.
Haha! You have such beautiful alabaster skin. I’m really pale, but my skin is all kinds of blotchy and freckly!
That’s such a lovely thing to say, but I’m definitely plagued by the blotchy! Thus the foundation. (And I’m very freckly too, but as I’m not anti-freckles, I don’t want to mention them alongside the word “plagued”
)
I’m a member of the pale-skinned club! And yeah – great smoothies should be enjoyed from *big* tumblers!
Hmm, maybe pale-skinned folk are particularly prone to blogging? After all, we can blog without going into the sun…
Ah, I can’t agree, my dear! Bowls not tumblers all the way! 
Woo-hoo!!! Love that you poured it back into a bowl and had these yummy smoothies just the way you like them. I must say, I am slowly becoming a convert! Bowl + spoon is really growing on me! And hear hear, I’ll take a beer any day too. Hope you’re lots of fun with friends, family and beer this Summer! =)
Teehee! I love that you loved me being true to me bowl-lovin’ self. I should admit, though, that I always switch between spoon and glass straw. Back and forth, back and forth… with the same smoothie, I mean! I have an extra side plate for putting the spoon or straw on when I’m using the other. CRAZY LADY ALERT.
Me too, Winston! Hard to see past the stress of now to future relaxation, though. Ugh!
This is exactly why I avoid make up counters! My one venture to one (also Clinique, interestingly) left me with the knowledge that I am too pale to wear ‘proper’ foundation. Instead, I paid a ridiculous amount of money for something that I think was called ‘Almost Make up’, which granted was very nice, but it left me feeling rather insufficient in the colour department. These days I just buy the palest colour of foundation available in whatever cheap range I’m favouring at the time – which no doubt isn’t something I should confess to online but there you are
I hope the smoothie made up for the experience!
Kari, I completely applaud your approach to make-up, and that’s completely what I’ve done in the past too! I couldn’t stand to be someone who spends at least an hour every morning “putting on my face”, both because I firmly believe people should like me for who I am naturally and there are so many things I’d rather do with my time.
The only reason I haven’t been doing the cheap make-up thing lately is my skin is rather shoddy, and so I want someone to assure me that their make-up won’t make it worse. Placebo make-up! 
As soon as they try to sell me concealer, foundation, and powder though, I’m gone.
I do worry sometimes that I’ll reach an age when an hour on make up (and/or hair, goodness knows I could probably invest more time on that too!) will become necessary in order to look presentable. I suspect, though, that I’ll just stick with my routine and look non-presentable
When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple, with a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me…
That’s all we’ll need, Kari! Hats and bright colours, not overpriced gunk
Oh good lord! What kooky people. Don’t worry though, if I’m not tan I end up looking jaundice in most photos.
Just remember in the 18th century being pale was a sign of wealth and beauty!
I know, that’s exactly why I think I’d be better off back then
Also, my whole reading-and-embroidery-and-not-having-started-with-boyfriend-at-age-twelve thing. 
i love that “alabaster tone” – you would never hear that kind of phrasing in america! i think u have skin like me, “fairly light” – that’s what they call us here on the makeup labels! i love green smoothies – pineapple and mango and sunwarrior sound fab with the spinach! yum!
Oh really? That’s fascinating! “Fairly light” sounds boring. I like alabaster better
ah yes – I too am frighteningly white this season!
Teehee! Whiteywhites represent!
I remember going to a makeup trail before my best friend’s wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and the makeup artist took one look at me and said “oh my you are pale, I don’t think I have a foundation light enough”. She had to go out and buy one specially!
One of these days I will buy a blender and join in this smoothie craze. Till then I will just admire yours.
Pssst…. here’s a secret: you should admire the other smoothies more than this one.
Teehee! I’m so fascinated by how many of us are super pale here! Surely there’s a PhD in this somewhere.
LOL I love your stories. Embrace the pale, girl!
I’m a paley too. At least the girl was trying to match your skin tone, no matter how pale it is, and not make you look like a ghastly shade of ORANGE!!
I’m sorry but I can’t fathom the thought of salad leaves in my smoothie >_<
Thank you April!! Truly! With stories like this, I’m always so worried I’m only amusing myself (and my mum
) Oh you’re right, I didn’t even think of that! I wouldn’t have let her Snooki-me up, though. I think. I hope! Come on, inner strength…
Teehee, you honestly can’t taste them if there’s enough fruit! I haven’t been bothering lately, though, because I eat enough veggies throughout the day not to need a handful in a smoothie. It can cut down on the sweetness, though, which I sometimes want.
Ahhh, what a good intro. That smoothie reminds me of Clinique’s Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion, actually…
So, no before-after pics?
Bahaha! I’ll chuck some of this smoothie on my face next time and let you know what happens
Alas, no. But you can see what your city’s Macy’s lady did to me back at the end of 2009. I look SO WEIRD with eyebrows.
That first bit really made me laugh. I love how seriously make-up people take thingss like that, I can imagine the tones of voice!
I read a piece in the paper a few weeks ago saying that eating your five a day was as good as sunbathing for the glow/tan it gives your skin… but I eat 8-11 a day and am the colour of a milk bottle, hooray for being pale and interesting
Oh my gosh, and I didn’t even tell about the part when she wiped off a failed foundation and said “see? That colour matches the rest of her so much better!”. As in “her actual skin matches her actual skin more than the make-up does”. Um, you think?!
Hahaha! I guess if we ate five-a-day or carrots we could turn orange? I’d rather not, though…
Love smoothies. And anything with a real mango (not imported and supermarket-sad, to think we once had a tree they dropped from!) or gosh just eating a mango dropping into the kitchen sink! And go alabaster! I was the skinniest whitest creature on the beach this summer in Corsica – oh the horrified Italian stares – reading under my umbrella and swimming at dawn and dusk (I mean real Aussie swimming too). No sharks!!
I absolutely nibbled clean three mango seeds, leaning over the sink, after chopping the rest up for freezing. Doing that is definitely something that makes you feel like an Aussie
Teehee! Love the beach story. You’re doing we fair-skinned folk proud, Catharine! Keep it up. One day I’ll join you with the 30+spf, the book, the wide hat, and the hiding in the shade. Hopefully in Italy.
LOL great story Spay Lady! And forget Kath & Kim’s Prue and Trude, they need new villains in those ladies!
*laughs* Did I tell you that my mum and I have started rewatching Kath and Kim for the first time in years, or is this just another sign of our psychic Spayness?
I’ve never owned a proper foundation… I’m too scared of the make up people in department stores! I really should take the plunge though, I ain’t getting any younger
If I didn’t feel self-conscious about my far-from-peaches-and-cream complexion, I’d definitely avoid foundation too. I do think the majority of the cosmetics industry is a money-grubbing scam, but I’m not quite brave enough to do without. I was actually really happy with these two Clinique people – they were mostly really lovely
Great story Hannah … and great looking smoothie.
I like how you’ve pretended you didn’t hear it already.
P.S. Thank you for being amazing today!
P.P.S. I’m skeered for tomorrow!
P.P.P.S. And I just knocked my arm badly and am likely to have a mega-bruise at the wedding. Boo!
I thought I did well too … such a clever response of mine!
“Skeered” (oh, “scared”?) That’s part of performing! Gets your adrenalin going!
Fingers crossed you won’t have a bruise …
It was! It made me laugh, it made me cry….
Thanks for everything, mum. xo
Next time you head to the clinique counter you should smear some smoothie over your face and wait for the verdict – except that it would be a waste of a fine smoothie – alabaster skin is far preferable to an unnatural bronze – maintain the rage
The guy did ask me at one point if I used fake tan, and seemed a bit taken aback when I laughed.
Ah, the good old days! But then again, you wouldn’t have had a blender to make this smoothie back then, wouldja?
I love mango in smoothies. Mango and pineapple together sounds like a dream (a big, English estate-like dream, the kind you would have had in the 19th century. . . with servants to do my dishes and laundry. Oh, so not-politically-correct, but how great would it be to have someone else do all the work once in a while??). 
Oooh, you make a very good point. Maybe I do like this era better (particularly when you also take into consideration things like bathrooms and education and those sections of supermarket aisles dedicated to necessities for that-time-of-the-month… okay, maybe that’s not the best talk for a food blog
)
And oh Ricki, yes. I have a rental inspection coming up in January and I’m seriously considering hiring a cleaner for that event. I’m fairly certain I’d be happy with spending my money that way…
Agh, I also hate the makeup counter. I feel like a science experiment. I hear that Shiseido makes plenty of very fair shades for those of us sporting a delicate Victorian palor. I’m thinking of giving them a try soon.
I haven’t even heard of Shiseido, so thank you for the tip! Gotta finish this brand new foundation first, though
Oh! Thank GOD it’s a smoothie. For a second there I thought Barbra Streisand had sneezed…..
(and I’m with you on the 19C complexion thing – even the Swiss are surprised at how pale I am!)
Darn that Aussie beach stereotype!
And thank you, deeply, for associating infected mucus with smoothies in my mind…
wweeeeee! yes life is fun!
happy weekend
Thank you Caitlin! I’ve got a crazy-busy but super-fun weekend ahead!
You have a good time too!
If you drink enough green smoothies you soon find that you hardly need to wear any makeup. Pfft! Clinique. The makeup counter is hell on earth. *Except* when it is the one at Kit and my fresh-faced, 30-something, tattooed favourite lady is there who showed me the greatest makeup ever:
http://www.bareescentuals.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-BareEscentuals-Site/default/Experience-Show?cgid=BM_FOUNDATION
She doesn’t even mind when I admit to sometimes buying it online because it is cheaper. What a star!
Yes, my friend told me to just try things on at the counter then buy online, but with my concert and a wedding this weekend added to my incredible insecurities about my skin, I had to buy something straight away. I’ll definitely look into this brand in future though
Tank you!
Dang… I could use this right now being so hot in Melbs. I can relate to your ‘paleness’ – I’m pretty much geisha white all year round except for when I go to the beach and end up cherry red despite sunscreen! LOL! Though, I don’t mind these days…embrace it. I feel sorry for the peeps who go to the tanning salons….cancer…NO THANKS MAMA!!
Yep, that’s me too! White white white white burn RED RED RED blister peel white white white white….
(Well, sometimes my freckles get darker, but that’s about it) But yes, it is good in the sense that it reminds us not to get cancer-y or leather-y for funsies! Geisha skin FTW!
Loveee your little stories, they’re so fascinating to read! I have reasonably pale skin as well (for an Asian that is) and often it’s hard to match exactly what colour I should be. I’m also one of those girls who’d rather sleep that extra half hour in the mornings rather than putting on a layer of stuff that make my skin unable to breathe.
I love mangoes and pineapple and I loveee spinach. Just not sure about the combo. Maybe I should give it a go since I don’t eat enough veggies everyday..
Thank you Jenny! That’s means so much to me
I love the writing even more than the recipes sometimes 
And oh yes, oh yes, to sleeping taking priority over hours in the bathroom! In fact, considering it’s midnight and I have to be up in about six hours, I really should be prioritising that sleeping thing now…
If you want to have a go at a green smoothie, start with just a handful of baby spinach and a lot of sweet fruit, with maybe some honey/agave too. Ease into it
I am not pale skin but just arriving from Melb, it seems that I am pale in comparison to many tanned Sydneysiders.
I am not too worried. And you have reminded me that it is mango smoothie season.
You can be an honourary alabaster then
I am dying with the pale skin talk. I am a pale freckle face and love it. I’m always talking about how Nicole Kidman and Madonna are hot and pale. I can’t tan and I think it’s much better to embrace my pale skin than skin cancer or look like a serious lobster. Foundation shopping is like buying a bathing suit!!! Eeek! I used clinique when I was younger. I use MAC now and it seems to work pretty well.
Pale chics rock!!
Darn tootin’ we do!
Except I don’t actually like Nicole Kidman and Madonna (except in Moulin Rouge and Evita), but apart from that, I whole-heartedly agree with every part of your comment.
Oh, and I haven’t bought or worn swimmers in… ten years?