I was going to get up early and go to work for five hours. I was then going to head over to my parents’ house with my friend Fi. At 2pm, my parents were going to drive the four of us to the coast for the Moruya Jazz Festival, where Fi and I would be performing all weekend with the Strange Weather Gospel Choir.
The day started out as planned. I was at work by 8:30am, working on the submissions I’ve got due next week, trying to condense forty-eight pages into six for our Annual Report, and answering the phone as needed.
Then came a call I wasn’t expecting.
By 12:30pm, I was in the Emergency Department of the Canberra Hospital. My parents, my aunt, one of my cousins. Doctors, in the background.
And my Grandma Mickey, for whom a year ago (almost to the day) I made double chocolate muffins. My Grandma Mickey, who hadn’t been in hospital these past few months, but had been pottering along in her low-care nursing home.
For the next forty-five minutes I held my grandmother’s hand, and stole moments to kiss her forehead whenever I could, whenever someone wasn’t stroking her hair, whenever there was a break between one of us whispering words that we knew/hoped she’d hear. I held my cousin’s hand over the bed, I curled into my mother’s shoulder, I reached for my father.
And then I kissed my grandma one last time.
It was her birthday.
Happy 97th Birthday, dear Grandma Mickey. I hope that, somewhere, there was a cake with candles and a wonderfully creamy cappuccino waiting for you.
We love you, always.
{ 113 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh darling…I am so sorry to hear this. *hugs*
Having lost all my grandparents when I was quite young, I don’t know how it feels to have the love of your Grandma. But I DO know how it feels to love someone and then to lose them. Your grandma loves you and is probably loving that cake right now.
If you need anything, I’m only a hop skip and a jump away.
Thank you, my dear. For the hugs and the support. It truly is lovely to know you’re only a few hours’ drive away
Oh Hannah…my goodness
I am so, so very sorry. More than words can say, and I feel a little odd to think that we have had such similar experiences a week apart. It doesn’t seem right at all. My thoughts are very much with you and your family and I’m sending you that big squeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzy hug back. I’m so glad you got to see her at the end and I, too, hope that she is having wonderful birthday celebrations with cake that can only be dreamed of. Thinking of you xox
No, Kari, not right at all, and yet there is a strange kind of comfort in knowing that others have been through, and get through, this. *hugs* I wish we truly could share these squeeeeeeezy hugs in person! One day. Thinking of you also, also.
Definitely one day in person…*hugs*
Oh Hannah my darling, my heart is breaking for you. My sincerest condolences. All I can offer you is my ear if you ever need it and lots of hugs. xxx
Thank you my darling Spay Lady. Knowing I have you in my life as a true friend is such comfort. xo
Oh this brought tears to my eyes… I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma and so cruel that it was so sudden. At least all her family was there and I’m sure she knew that. Hope you’re ok xx
Thank you, Eleanor. In a way, the sudden-ness, though hard for us, was almost the best we could have hoped of for her. Thank you for your support xo
Judging from the photo, your Grandma had a beautiful face and smile. Hannah, I am very sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you and your family. xx
Thank you, so much. She was a beauty; I always loved her gorgeous blue eyes!
I’ll be thinking of you and your family this week, and sending warm, chocolate-y energy in your direction. If your grandmother is any indication, Future Hannah will be one classy lady.
Oh Lauren, thank you! We truly appreciate it
Hannah, I have been thinking of you all day xx
Thank you Fi. You have no idea how much your support has helped me through xo
Oh, Hannah. I am so, so sorry. I had no idea as we were discussing wedding-ness that your heart had something like this to hurt over. You and your family have all my sympathies at this difficult time. I love you dearly.
Thank you, my lovely. It was wonderful to have something so truly exciting to hear about over the weekend, and to giddily discuss with you today. Honestly-truly, the undercurrent is still with me xo
Oh hun,
I’m glad you had a great weekend planned after that
Thank you Fiona. At first it felt strange/wrong to have such a wonderful weekend, but then I became so grateful, because it got me through. xo
Oh sweetness I hope you are doing okay. I have no doubt that the most amazing cake was awaiting her and that she heard every loving word that you all had to say for her. It sounds as though she lived an amazing and wonderful 97 years. Try to remember that even though it’s hard.
Thank you, K-goddess. With so many people wishing her cake, I’m sure she must be enjoying some even now
Your comment has made me well up, but in a way I welcome. Thank you.
I am so so sorry. My grandma has been under the weather too, and I’m so afraid sometimes… My thoughts are with you and your family.
I’m so sorry to hear that, Ash. I truly hope she recovers and keeps giving you big squishy loving hugs for a long time yet. xo
So sorry to hear of your loss, Hannah. Sounds like you had very special relationship with your Grandma, and I’m sure those precious last moments together were absolutely priceless for both of you. Sending you much light and love x
Thank you, Lou. I really appreciate your kindness, and the fact that you’ve helped me remember how Grandma and I both loved our sweets, and the picnics we had when I was younger, and more. Thank you.
No condolences to you and your family
big hug Hannah!!!
Thank you Jo; I really appreciate it.
Hannah, I am so sorry, beautiful. I am sending you so much love and support during this time, I am. On her birthday, too…that’s eerie and sad and beautiful all in one. You’ve written so lovingly about your grandparents. Your family is so special. I’m sure she’s smiling down on you right now, thankful for such a beautiful granddaughter and family, and drinking her creamy cappuccino. Love love love and then some more xo
Dearest Heidi, thank you. I’m so grateful that my family’s love for each other and our wonderful relationships have come through in my writings on this blog. I think there is a kind of beauty in the “full circle” nature of the timing, particularly as I found out on Friday that her brother passed away on his birthday too. Thank you for the support – you know I’m hugging you right back.
Hannah … if Grandma Mickey had heard you sing that solo in ‘Saints Are You Ready to Go’ on Saturday evening at the Moruya Jazz Festival she would have been so proud of you. No doubt you will have many, many pleasant memories to cherish, and right up there will be the memory of holding her hand as she passed away. Thinking of you and your family.
Thank you Mike. I know how much you understand about this, because of your own experiences, so thank you. I really, really wish she could have heard me sing, and it’s hard because my Dad did make a recording that she could have listened to. But I’d like to think she heard. xo
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, Hannah. I lost someone very dear to me earlier this year (she was like a second mother and my confidante). It was very unexpected and I understand the swirl of emotions you’re experiencing. Lots of support + a big hug to you. No doubt your grandmother feels all the love you’ve shared with her and is at peace.
Thank you, Yasmeen. I’m so sorry for your loss, and am giving you many retrospective hugs in turn xo
Oh Hannah my dear!!!! I’m so so sorry for you and your families loss
Stay strong and know your grandmother is in a wonderful place xoxo
Thank you for your support, Leah. So much. xo
I’m so sorry to hear your sad news about your grandma – must be tough on top of all the ill health among your grandparents – warm wishes to you and your family – take it easy and look after yourself – wish I could send you a nourishing meal at this time but instead will just send some hugs!
Thank you Johanna. Hugs are very appreciated.
Hannah, I’m so sorry to hear that your Grandma passed away. It is so hard to lose someone you love. I am sending you and your family lots of virtual hugs and hoping that cherishing the great memories you have with your Grandma will help you through these tough times.
xo
Thank you Lisa, for taking the time to send your support. Can’t wait to move from virtual to real hugs
Oh Hannah, I’m so sorry for your loss. Lots of love.
Thank you xo
Oh I’m so sorry Hannah. She was my role model for older age. I loved seeing all those photos of her out at lunch, always a glass of pleasure at the ready. My thoughts are with you and your family at this very difficult time.
Louise, this is such a wonderful, wonderful comment! Thank you so much; I’d like to aspire to her joie de vivre and love of desserts later in life too
I’m so sorry about this, Hannah. Take care of yourself.
Thank you Victoria.
So, so sorry to hear about your Grandma. I’ll be thinking about you and your family. *hugs*
That’s so lovely, thank you.
Oh Hannah, I’m so sorry to hear this.
The suddenness of things is always the worst bit, but I’m sure your Grandma was glad to be surrounded by people who loved and cherished her in their lives. Hugs, friend!
Thank you Errign. In truth, I’m glad for her sake that it was sudden. I would have hated for her to suffer more. Hugs back
Oh hun! I hope you’re doing fine. BIG HUGS.. I won’t say anymore as you know how I feel already
My deepest condolences.
Thank you, darling. It means so much that we both know. xo
oh dear, hannah, wish i could be there to give u a hug. will be thinking and praying for you. makes me realize again how precious life is and we can’t waste a moment without saying “i love you” and just loving ppl no matter how difficult life can be.
Absolutely, absolutely. I recommend hugging the nearest person to you (that you know…) right now
I’m so sorry Hannah. This seems to be a year for loss for so many people I know, ourselves included. Glad you got to be with her one last time. :::HUGS:::
Thank you, Alayna. I’m so sorry you’ve had this sorrow too. xo
So sorry for your family’s loss.
Thank you, Evan.
Oh, Hannah. I’m so sorry.
I’m sending lots of hugs your way.
Thank you so much, Jess.
So sorry to hear about your loss Hannah. Be well and know that your grandma is in a beautiful place and at peace, smiling over and blessing your family.
Thank you. It’s really nice to hear that.
So sorry for your loss Hannah. I’m sure it meant the world to her that you were there to say goodbye.
Thank you Shannon. I hope so. I really hope so.
oh sweetie – I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your nan
Thinking of you and your family xx
Thank you Lisa xo
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my sweet little grandma this past January. Stay strong! sending happy energy your way
I’m so sorry for you, too. Thanks, Caitlin.
I send all my love your way. But how beautiful that your grandmother should leave this world at 97 and holding her grandaughters hand, I hope when my time comes I’m doing the same xxxx
Oh, thank you. What a beautiful comment. Thank you.
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. How wonderful that she lived for 97 years, and how wonderful that you have a large and close family to comfort you.
Not to mention all the friends who adore you.
I’ll be thinking of you sweetheart. xxxxxxx
[How did I miss this comment? Silly tired eyes!]
Dearest Margaret, I can’t even begin to explain how much your support means to me. I’m so grateful for the closeness with my family, but also for the closeness I have with friends like – and as wonderful as – you. Thank you for your thoughts. xoxo
Sorry to hear this news, m’love. Thinking of you and your family.
Thank you, Laura. xo
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.
Catherine
Thank you.
Hannah I’m so sorry to hear your news. Hugs to you and your family at this very sad time.
Thank you, Lisa.
I’m so sorry for your loss Hannah, it brought a tear to my eye as even in the short while I have been following your blog, it’s completely clear how close she was to you. Lots of love for you and your family. x
Oh, Ashley, thank you. It means so much to know it was clear how much we all love/d each other.
I’m so sorry to read this, Hannah. Sending all my love to you and your family. The picture of her is gorgeous though – what a smile! Thinking of you. Lexi.xx
Thank you, Lexi
I think that’s one of my absolute favourite photos of her 
And here I was going on about my cat, and wishing you had a wonderful weekend. What a dope I am.
I can’t even imagine what it’s been like to have one grandparent with you until now, let alone four. Your family has so much love, I’m always inspired by each story you weave them into. Even now, I’m inspired by the devotion you all have for each other; the closeness is so admirable.
97 and such a sweet smile. Wow.
Big big love, xo.
Oh Emma, no, you have no idea how wonderful it was to share that lovely, happy conversation this weekend. And you did well in wishing me a wonderful weekend, because it truly was a wonderful weekend, and I think Grandma would have wanted it that way.
And Emma, your comment is just… beautiful. Thank you. I’m so grateful that our closeness shows, and I’m utterly touched with your response. Hugs, hugs, hugs back xo
I’m so sorry about your grandmother, Hannah. My grandfather died two years ago and I never got to say goodbye to him, so your grandmother was so lucky to be surrounded by her family when she passed. I hope you’re doing okay- we’re here for you!
Thank you, Kate. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get to say goodbye to your grandpa, but I’m sure he knew how much you loved him. xo
Oh Hannah, I’m so sorry to hear about this. My condolences to you and your family. Nonetheless, what an amazing family she got to enjoy, and for 97 years no less! That truly is wonderful.
Thank you, Alisa! It truly does help to remember that she had a wonderful, and wonderfully long, life, and that I’ve been lucky enough to spend 24 of her 97 years with her. xo
Oh Hannah I am so sorry. She looks and sounds like such a beautiful lady and she will be with you for eternity xo
Thank you, Nic. You’ve truly helped me feel better
Lovely post Hannah … and that photo makes me smile. Not bad for 95 as she was then eh?
Thank you, ma. And thank you for the photo! I can only aspire to look as good at 95
P.S. Still. My. Favourite. Photo.
No!!
Hannah I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your sweet grandma….
Thank you, Jamee. xoxo
Oh no, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you Julia. x
Oh honey, my dearest bestie. I’m thinking of you, if you need an ear, or food, or beer, or cuddles let me know. I’ll be over as quick as the mini goes. Sending you hugs and strong thoughts. Your very brave. Xxx
Anna, thank you so much darling. It’s wonderful to know that we both can call each other if and when we need it. Thank you for always being wonderful
Hugs back xo
So sorry to hear of this Hannah. I bet your Grandma Mickey was an amazing lady. *hugs* Take care xxx
Thank you Katy. I think she was
xo
Sorry to hear this, Hannah. I’m happy to see grandma is so well loved by everyone.
Thank you Bryan xo
*hugs* I can see the twinkle in her eye in the stars of the sky. I am sure she will always be close, wherever you are
Oh Helen, what a beautiful comment. Thank you so much xoxo
Hi Hannah, terribly sorry, I just saw that I wrote by mistake “No condolences to you and your family”. I guess you figured it should have read “my condolences”. This is perhaps one of my worst typos ever, and it was relating to a sensitive issue as well. I am really really sorry about this.
Oh my gosh, don’t worry at all! I was certain that you meant “my”, but didn’t want to make you feel badly by pointing the typo out! Please don’t worry at all; in fact, it’s a rather amusing little mistake in the scheme of things. I knew what you meant, and appreciate both the support then and your extra comment here! *hugs*
Oh Hannah. I am so so sorry. I love my grandmother more than anything and I cherish every day that she is on this planet with me. Know that she’s still with you and that you bless her everyday.
Tammy, thank you, more than words can express. It’s truly a comfort to thank that she’s still with me, with us. xo
I am so sorry, Hannah! All my thoughts are with you and your Grandmom! Sending you a BIG HUG all across the ocean!
Thank you Kath xoxo
Oh, Hannah! Now I feel terribly insensitive for leaving such blissfully-ignorant-of-your-pain comments just now. Big hugs from Paris, I know your grandma lived a good life, surrounded by people who loved her very much. And in the end, isn’t that all any of us can ask for? Now I’m welling up. SO MANY HUGS.
Oh darling, please don’t apologise! You know that I like to focus on the positive, happy, laughing aspects of life as much as possible, so I loved getting your other comments.
Thank you for your beautiful words and support here, too. xo
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