I’m very thankful to the Travel Gods for sending me at least one friend, the Spyman, who is not only a fellow Aussie but with whom I’ve been able to catch up on a regular basis, despite the fact that we live in different cities.
Last Friday, we finally spent time together in his city: the Glorious Magnificentland of Melbourne.
And it was six straight hours of happiness.
It turns out I can be rather dictatorial in my eating choices when I’m in Magnificentland. But dictatorial in a charming and endearing way, right, Spyman? Right? It was charming and endearing when I made us go to Starbucks, right?
I know some of you are considering staging an interfriendtion right now. But here’s what you have to understand:
I don’t go to Starbucks for coffee.
I go to Starbucks for coffee-candy.
The Spyman’s Frappuccino was more epic than mine. I experienced envy.
While some of you might crave ice cream as a treat on a summer’s (or winter’s, who are we kidding?) day, I yearn for thick-frozen-sweet-coffee drinks. Coffee-candy, I call it. For real coffee, I only ever visit to non-chain establishments. Hand over heart. But coffee-candy Frappuccinos? And coffee-candy Frappuccinos made with soy milk, no less? Oh, Starbucks. I do enjoy you.
After Starbucks, the Spyman took me to The Rooftop Bar. It was beautiful. They have a screen for showing movies in summer, delicious beer, and gas-fire heaters that almost singed my hair off when I leaned back with my eyes closed.
In Canberra, we barely have rooftops, let along rooftop bars.
After an hour or so, my (adorable, right?) dictatorial side emerged again.
“Lord of the Fries!” I proclaimed, eyes shining with glee. “We must go eat at Lord of the Fries!”
Please ignore the ghost to the side of this photo. I’d like to think it’s Nearly Headless Nick.
I’ve read about Lord of the Fries, a vegetarian and vegan fast food joint with the claim to fame of delicious crazypants sauces for its fries, frequently on the blogosphere, but hadn’t ever really thought to eat there myself. After all, I can’t remember the last time I ate a proper burger or fries.
But last Friday night, something changed.
Whatever it was that changed, I’m glad it did. The photo above is of Lord of the Fries’ Vegan Spicy Burger, and eating it whilst sitting on the grass in front of the State Library of Victoria was fantabulous. The melting vegan cheeze, the non-meat patty, the soft burger bun and the spicy sauce all disappeared in no time… although the rapidity of eating may have had something to do with my excitement over my fries.
I ordered the “French Canadian” fries, which some of you might know better as poutine. Translation: fries topped with cheese and smothered in gravy. More exciterestingly, I was also able to get this in a vegan version. Oh, the novelty!
Oh yes. Oh yes yes yes. Magnificentland, could you please come and have some words with Canberradodgyland about bars and vegan food? I’d really appreciate that.
You see, it turns out that coffee-candy-drinks, beer, burgers, and cheeze-n-gravy fries are the perfect fuel for a twenty minute walk in the winter air back to a brother’s house, and for a few more hours of talking and laughing with a Spyman and a brother’s housemates.
Lord of the Fries’ not-chicken nuggets and fries are fitting fuel too.
My first full day of this Melbourne trip was, as pirates might say, a rollicking success, and it handed me a bucketload more smiles and hugs to store in my memory-mind.
Turns out domestic travel can be just as much fun as the international kind.
{ 86 comments… read them below or add one }
oooh I have been meaning to try Lord of the Fries for ages!
It’s so much fun! I wish I could’ve found the time to try the satay sauces too
You were wanting to go to Starbucks, of course you were endearing, charming and let throw one more adjective for ya…delightful! how could anyone find a request to got to starbucks even the slightest bit dictatorial
Aw, thanks Priyanka! It’s nice that you have faith in me as not being a horrible person
that photo isn’t ghostly, it’s like a paparazzi shot!
the vegan poutine at lotf is my faaaavourite.
Teehee! Absolutely. Catch me soon in the upcoming magazine feature “Bloggers: They’re Just Like You!”
Awesome, I’m so glad I managed to pick one of the best sauces on my first try! What others would you recommend, for the future?
The Thai satay sauce is my OTHER favourite. I like to get them as the nuggets + fries munch box for a quick snack (or a small meal). I also like giving the sauces of the month a go.
Clearly you and I need to meet up for dinner next time I’m in Melbourne – our tastes are so wonderfully aligned
I do so want to try the nuggets, too!
that would be splendid!
(the nuggets are pretty great)
Really? Yay!! I have no idea when I’ll be back, but I think I’ll have to make it a week-long trip (at least) to fit in all the meeting-n-eating I plan to do
I’ll let you know!
Oh man, Lord of the Fries is going straight on my “visit as soon as humanly possible” list. I so greatly regret not having poutine when I was in Canada last year (how could I go to Toronto and Montreal and not have poutine??) that I have been considering making my own cheese curds just so I can try it. Lord of the Fries might save me a potentially disastrous mess… come on, Melbourne conference!
I still regret not buying the tub of cheese curds that I saw in a Trader Joe’s in Boston in 2007. I didn’t know what they were, and chickened out as I didn’t have access to a fridge at the time. IDIOCY. Jess, never make this mistake of ours again. LOTF may not use true cheese curds, but it’ll do. It’ll do.
Ohh Hannah … your posts always makes me laugh. Ha ha! I need to start calling my city ‘magnificentland’ too!
Hurrah!
You’re more than welcome to start calling your city Magnificentland, but you aren’t allowed to call my city Canberradodgyland. It’s kind of like how it is with families – only you yourself can call your family crazy 
Ooh, you/he have inspired me to visit the International Spy Museum. I had lunch there at Zola last week, but I’ve never gone into the actual museum. After growing up with the Smithsonian, any museum that charges an entry fee makes me furious.
You got your frappucino at last! But I agree, it seems to be missing several inches of whipped cream, coconut and fudge.
Oh oh that reminds me. Last weekend? When I was at Starbucks? I saw a man order two shots of espresso in a venti cup filled with ice! Then he filled the cup up with Starbucks’s complimentary milk! A $4.50 iced coffee for $1.50! I had heard of such “Starbucks hacks” online, but I’d never seen it with my own two eyes. Shameless.
Definitely go! But make sure you give yourself plenty of time to do both aspects, if you choose to do the fun spy adventure part as well as the normal museum. From memory, I ended up not going back to the museum after doing the adventure, because I wanted to go eat chocolate or something
Silly me!
I know, I know. I make this big fuss about Frappuccinos, and then I just get the plainest one which I already know I can replicate in my Vitamix.
One day I’ll get something more extravagant, like the Spyman did!
Hahaha, that’s brilliant! Clever cheapskate Scrooge man. Oh, mercy *wipes tears from eyes*
I LOVE burgers, fries, and ESPECIALLY poutine.
Therefore, irrespective of its veganness or not, I love Lord of the Fries. Also? It’s right next to Walkers Doughnuts. So my Melbourne tradition is hotdogs + poutine, followed by hot jam doughnuts and a milkshake. Winnerrrrrrrr
Absolute winner! Which LOTF were you at? I don’t remember the scent of doughnuts. There was a sushi place to the right, I remember that. But then again, I truly only had eyes for novelty vegan cheeze.
Have you ever had real poutine? I dream…
You’re right- that coffee IS coffee-candy!
I never lie about sweet things
Mmm… poutine is so tasty! I’m jealous that you had it veganized! Looks like delicious eats!
So much deliciousness. I giggled so much when I discovered I could have this vegan. Gotta love proper cities
GAWD, you came to Melbourne and had Starbucks? You are seriously in need of an interfriendtion. You can try and justify it all you like. :p
But hoorah for LOTF spicy burger! It’s the best one of them all!
It never would’ve happened if my BFF had created a 25th hour in her day to spend with me!
But yay! Surely I made up for the lapse in judgement by choosing your favourite burger?
Love Melbourne I hope to go there again sometime soon! Great pics Hannah
Thank you Leah! I wish I could’ve made the Rooftop Bar look as pretty in photos as it did in real life. Guess I’ll just have to go back some time
It’s vegetarian?!! Oh pleaassssse may they come to Sydney!
Canberra first, Canberra first! You Sydneysiders have plentiful vegan options already, we Canberrans are bereft I tell you! Bereft!
LOVE Lord of the Fries! Def a must on any Melbourne trip!
Amen, sister! I just need to head back soon to try the other sauces
oh yayy isn’t rooftop eating so fun?!
glad you had a blast!! omgoodness…..I’m actually hungry right now and probably won’t be able to sleep b/c of these…they look sooo good!
This time I only got to try rooftop drinking, but it certainly was magical! The eating was more on-the-grass-in-front-of-a-beautiful-library eating
So much good stuff in one night! I guess when you head somewhere in Australia that offers multiple exciting options, you have to take advantage of them
I do wish some would come to Perth, as well as Canberra. In the mean time, I’ll live vicariously through your pictures the Lord of the Fries website 
Oh Kari, just you wait until the Saturday night adventures! So much advantage taken. Of Saturday in general, actually!
And yes, we Canberrans and Perth(ians?!) are often left out of the gustatory adventures of bigger cities here in Australia. One day…
Ah LOTF, proving that you do not have to kill things to make food that is way too tasty and not very good for you
Shhh…. it’s better for me than half a jar of sunflower seed butter with a spoon, right?
Haha, I will leave that question for the philosophers.
Poutine poutine poutine!!! Oh I got all excited there for a moment-sorry! And you do know that you’re not doing the spy rumour any favours by having out with a spyman!
ASIO is totally about to fire me, Lorraine, and it shall be all your fault for ruining my cover!
You’ll have to give me that PA job to make up for it 
Am excited you went to lord of the fries – I like them but they just aren’t my sort of fast food – especially after the disappointment of discovering both that they had veg sausage rolls and that they had been discontinued – in the same week. I just don’t get sauce on chips though poutine intrigues me. Agree Melbourne is Magnificentland even though I barely get to see much of it these days. Glad it treated you well.
Thanks Johanna! As I said, I’m not much of a burger and fries girl but this was such a fun novelty for me
And I’m probably more of a sauce than a chips girl, so the cheeze and gravy was super fun! I’m sure there’ll soon be a time when you’ll be exploring Magnificentland with Sylvia and seeing far more of it than many 
Ah such fun! I am planning to spend the month of February in Melbourne so I appreciate your dictator side adding some to-dos to my list.
xo
Teehee! I’m glad I started with some vegan eats suitable for you then! Alas, the next day’s events weren’t quite on that side of the food spectrum, but there are a wealth of purely vegan Melbourne blogs out there that I’m sure you’ll get some wonderful ideas from! Let me know if you’re having trouble finding any, and I’ll point you to them
Melbourne sounds like the land where dreams come true!! I’m so glad you got the chance to experience so many treasures. Pity about Canberra, but there aren’t many healthy options where I live either.
I’ve been planning my Melbourne trip and I’ve realised that I’ve made 80% of the decisions of what we’ll do and where we’ll eat! But surely if one smiles sweetly, one can get away with it!
Smiling sweetly goes a long way towards soothing the dictatorial decrees, absolutely! Puppy dog eyes help too, I’ve found
Canberra is definitely doing much better these days with lovely eating options, but lovely *vegan* options are still missing. But as long as we have the odd peanut butter dessert, I’m happy!
Ah, now you tell me! I remember seeing the sign for this, and laughing at the pun. I’ve never darkened their doors though. I’ve not had poutine before, but I’m sure I’ll cross paths with it one day- and I know you’ll come off second best.
Louise, you would never darken doors, only light them up with your effervescent radiance! Hurrah!
Great to hear about how you enjoyed your magnificent adventures in Melbourne! I have a feeling Part Two is going to be absolutely glorious too, right?
Part Two will be glorious, Part Three will be food coma, and Part Four will be equally delicious
I only wish there were even more parts!
I love Starbucks chocolatey chip frappucinos (hold the coffee) and poutine fries…mmmmm!
I’m quite perturbed at myself for sticking with the plain coffee frappuccino. Why didn’t I try something crazier?!
Hahaha, Hannah, I always your humor so much!
“Lord of the Fries”? Seriously?
(Reminds me of “Lord of the Flies”, totally random association by *meaning*, but still a little creeps.)
I’m fairly sure they intended that pun, Kath! There’s no other way of looking at it, although I hope they haven’t translated any of the story into the food
P.S. Thank you!!
Ahem, I *enjoy* your humor, I wanted to say.
All I want to do is quote things.
First up: “His name’s not Fatty. Its Piggy.”
Next up (in ref. to pirates and a rollicking success): “A rollicking band of pirates we /
Who tired of tossing on the sea /Are trying their hand at a burglaree / With weapons grim and gory!”
Looks like a terrific time. You’re much quicker (and doing a better job) at recounting your recent travels than I am! Booooooo Starbucks:( Yaaaaay poutine!!!
Nothing like a good quote-a-thon! Where does the second come from? It sounds familiar… Sure, I could google it myself, but where’s the fun in that?
Haha, that part where you said I’m good at recounting my travels quickly? Erm… I still have a post to do from my last Melbourne… in December. And I’m fairly certain I posted the last of my European travel stories a year after I’d returned home.
The second quote is from the Pirates of Penzance – only the most funnest of comic operas!
Gah! I knew it was familiar! That was the first ever opera/musical I saw performed, and I used to listen to the CD and sing along incessantly. Climbing over rocky mountains…
Gravy on fries is a way popular dish — if not THE dish — in Montreal. I can’t get myself to like it. Gravy and I are not friends. But I have always wanted to go to Melbourne!!!!
Yep, I’ve never heard of poutine as anything but a Canadian creation! To be honest, I’ve never found myself going for gravy before (and steadfastly avoid it at Christmastime), but it worked with the cheeze
Vegan poutine?! I am jealous!!! I grew up in a city with a large French population (5 hours south of Canada) and a lot of my friends would have it on the regular. I was so envious!
And lo! Now you can make it yourself, Shannon! I’m sure you have access to a wealth of vegan cheezes in your hometown (unlike me). Go for it!
Lord of the Fries could have been my nickname in high school- I am all about French fries! I would have never thought to put gravy on top, but that actually looks really good.
Personally, I used to prefer vinegar on my fries, but gravy works too
Yay, glad you got to try LOTF! & I agree, domestic travel can be rather grand. We do have a lot to offer in our little country – that is actually huge.
Heidi xo
Absolutely! When I was younger, my family and I would do a big trip somewhere in Australia once a year. I wish we still would, now we’re all grown up! I want to see the Bungle Bungles one day
Oh, I have never tried Lord of the Fries. I didn’t actually know it was vegan – you learn something new every day!
Glad you had fun in Melbs. It’s definitely a great place to live (or visit)!
It’s not only vegan, but I think ‘most everything has vegan options
And oh, how I long to one day do the former, not the latter!
OMG Lord of the Fries. I’m not from Melbourne but went there and have been having fantasies about them ever since. I don’t even like pickles but the ones on their burger were divine.
Mmmmmm chips and satay sauce. I’m going back to Melbourne in October and will try the poutine.
Hi Sarah, thanks so much for popping by! I don’t even remember the pickles in particular – they must’ve melded into the burger as a whole perfectly
Have an awesome, awesome time in October!
Haha… glad you enjoyed lord of the fries! Please let me know next time you are in town?
I will, I promise!! I’m going to have to come down for a month, I think, in order to meet up with everyone
Poutine! Now you’ve gone and made me very, very jealous. Everytime I visit Melbourne I’m always torn and tempted to throw everything to the wind and move there. It’s a dangerous place.
Me too. Oh, how I long to one day make that temptation a reality…
Ohh I’ve always wanted to try poutine. In Berlin I had fries with mayonnaise and curry powder which I thought was pretty cool, but gravy!! Sounds like an amazing night, even the coffee-candy, your explanation of it makes total sense
LOTF does not only a Belgian mayo sauce, but many of the deluxe sauces combine the Belgian mayo with other things… I think the “Asian” is mayonnaise and satay. You clearly need to visit
I’m not a burger person at all, but the vegan burger sounds great! (Now the poutine, that’s another story…even vegan, I couldn’t do it!) I’m so so so happy that you got to eat at this awesomely-named establishment
Thanks Amber! Teehee, I love that we’re both not burger people! Although considering how rapidly you’ve changed your mind about salad, who knows? You might be having regular burgers for breakfast before we know it!
Well, if nearly 26 years is “rapid,” I ought to be a burger lover by age 50, I wager!
And that’ll probably be around the time I finally figure out a way to get to America. Or manage to find someone. So we both have something to look forward to!
Now, you KNOW that’s nonsense, on both counts. I say we kill two birds with one stone and find you an American suitor.
When a raw vegan chef is prepared to kill birds to find me a man, how can I say no? I’m in!
So glad you’ve discovered the pleasures of domestic travel. It has a lot going for it – interspersed with OS travel. The one informs the other I’ve found.
I think you’re right
But surely two Melbourne and a Sydney trip under my belt means it’s time for more OS travel? 
Bestie…., your crackin’ me up here. Canberradodgyland without rooftops!!!! so sad.. so true. You did have rollicking good fun in the land of good times huh. We’ll have to let you out to play some more methinks.
*laughs* Teehee, you make me sound like an over-excited puppy on a leash, straining towards the food on the picnic table!
Which, I suppose, I am. So I’m all for being let out to play
Oooooh! When you have your house-warming, can we take a beer and climb up on the roof of your apartment? We shall create our own rooftop bar!
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