Dachshunds are really strange looking.
That is all.
Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar of Plenty Berry Fruit and Vanilla Shortcake
According to my camera, I took this photo on the 24th of September 2010 at 5:29am. There are two things worth noting about that piece of information. First, as I certainly do not take chocolate photos at 5:29 in the morning, I clearly never bothered to change my camera’s timezone back to Australia after travelling around America and Europe earlier this year. Second, I ate this chocolate almost three months ago, and am only now forcing myself to write the review.
Why forcing, you might ask? Forcing, I might respond, because this chocolate was so very mediocre and unworthy of quality prose*.
If I were trying to hype this chocolate up, I’d tell you that the berry fruits of the title are cranberry, strawberry, and elderberry. If I were being a bit more honest, I’d tell you that the berry fruits are a jellied sticks-in-your-teeth substance made of sugar, cranberry, food acid, sunflower oil, natural strawberry flavour, and elderberry juice concentrate. Mm-mmm, right?
In its favour, Cadbury didn’t stint on the shortcake component here with, as you can see above, a myriad little shortcake balls dotted throughout the block.
It’s just a shame the shortcake balls had no taste.
From the moment I unwrapped this chocolate and caught its aroma, which was all dairy sweetness with no hint of fruit or biscuit, I felt mounting disappointment. (Actually, it’s hard to be disappointed when you’re used to Cadbury being utterly lacklustre.)
The shortcake pieces do a good job of staying fresh and crumbly, thereby providing a nice textural counterpoint to the thick Dairy Milk chocolate and the chewy pieces of fruitishness. The berry pieces, however, aren’t distinctly any particular flavour, but are instead simply sweet and vaguely fruity. Again, pretty disappointing if you’ve got it in you to be disappointed.
The Dairy Milk chocolate put forward its characteristic super-sweet and slightly caramelly flavours, but overall this chocolate block failed to live up to its berry and shortcake promises. It was overwhelmingly sweet with nothing to alleviate the assault of sugar on the senses – milky sugar, fruity sugar, flavourless-crunchy-wheat-sugar, sugar sugar sugar.
In fact, if this chocolate disappeared from supermarket shelves in the near future and you and I decided to do some digging to determine its cause of death, I’m pretty sure the coroner’s report would read “Drowned In Sugar”.
And that’s all I have to say on the matter.
* Not to suggest that my usual prose is of high quality. That said, I wouldn’t say no to a Nobel Prize for Literature if a drug-addled judge decided to award me one.