Do you currently have a BFF?
I do. She’s fantastic. And as a result, I feel qualified in sharing with you something that I’ve been diligently working on in my spare time (translation: working on for the past five minutes). It’s what I like to call “The Wayfaring Chocolate Checklist of Mandatory Qualities to Look For in a BFF”.
The Wayfaring Chocolate Checklist of Mandatory Qualities to Look For in a BFF
1. Must be caring, kind, and wise (i.e. responds to life queries and vulnerability about said life queries with compassion, respect, and hilarious metaphors about aprons, even when you’re only just getting to know each other via emails).
2. Must have similar sense of humour (so that when you tease each other mercilessly, you BFFship will be strengthened rather than damaged irreparably).
3. Must be able to prevent you from entering Starbucks and buying Frappuccinos in a moment of weakness.
4. Must affectionately call you “Cubey” for your unintentional straight-lacedness and inability to be naughty.
5. Must slip drugs into your dinner in an attempt to counter your unintentional straight-lacedness and inability to be naughty.
I stand by my belief that my BFF served me Crack Potatoes. How else can the unutterable deliciousness of these potatoes be accounted for? Sure, you might point to the sesame dressing, the sweet cooked garlic cloves, and the fancy salt sprinkled on top, but remember: just because crack is nigh-invisible doesn’t mean it’s not there.
6. Must be so generous as to offer you a room at her house before she’s even met you in person.
7. Must be wonderful enough that every moment spent together is so full of happiness that you feel you might burst, even when you’re getting your booty kicked at Singstar (I maintain that I would’ve won had we been singing Broadway/Sondheim/Disney tunes).
8. And lastly, but most importantly: Must have Costco membership. And must support you leaving Costco with kilos upon kilos of nut-based snacks.
Let’s do this in more detail, shall we?
(My iPod Nano is in every photo in order to show scale. I now feel this may not have been necessary, but I can’t convince the magical turquoise fairies who live in my phone to erase the iPod from each shot.)
1.58kg (56oz) each of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups Miniatures and Ghirardelli chocolate chips.
Ways in which I have used the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups so far:
- As a thank-you to my Dad for picking me up from the airport.
- Melted over porridge.
- Eaten plain.
- Chopped up and mixed through yoghurt.
- Sprinkled with freshly cracked black pepper. (Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it. Then knock it.)
1.08kg (38oz) of Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds and 454g (16oz) of Marcona Almonds (very excited about these, as I’ve never seen Marcona almonds in Australia before).
Ways in which I have used the Blue Diamond Smokehouse Almonds so far:
- Eaten them.
Poppycock. *snort* ‘Nuff said.
Wait, no. Not ‘nuff said. When I picked up a (that is, one) container of Poppycock, my BFF made an “uh-oh” noise. When I looked at her questioningly, she warned me in no uncertain terms against the stuff, calling it “ridiculously and scarily addictive”.
I think she wanted me to put the container back. Instead, I put a second container in the trolley.
Lots of peanut butter, and lots of dried mango.
You’ve seen the peanut butter before, so we don’t need to talk about that.
But look, ma! Mango! Fruit! Healthy!
7 kilos of snacks?
Told you I have the best BFF ever.