I was going to bake for you today.
Truly, I was.
I was planning on pulling muffins from my oven, muffins that had within them bananas for potassium, oat bran for fibre, soy milk and flaxmeal for protein, and brown sugar for happiness.
Hence I drove to the shops and, after carefully picking out an unblemished mango and nashi for my mum, I went to the cereal aisle to pick up the oat bran.
On my way to the oat bran, though, something caught my eye. Something with a heavenly glow and angel wings sprouting from its back. Something that sang out to me with its glorious resemblance to this American cereal.
Back To Nature Cookie Bite’z Cereal
Cookie cereal! Chocolate. Chip. Cookie. Cereal. Glorious processed sugary snack masquerading as a valid breakfast choice! Natch.
I let out a “meep” right there in the aisle, snatched the box of Cookie Bite’z (sic) close to my heart, and scampered to the check-out, glaring at anyone who stood near me in case they tried to take the crack – pardon, cereal – from my hands.
As soon as I got home, I poured myself a bowl.
The most surprising thing about this chocolate chip cereal is that it isn’t, in reality, all that bad in terms of ingredients. It’s gluten-free and dairy-free, and is made of just corn flour, dried cane syrup, chocolate bits (we’ll get to these), cocoa, salt, flavours, and then a myriad vitamins and minerals. Oh, and less than 1g of fibre per 100g. So everybody wins… except those with sluggish bowels. (Oh yes. I went there.)
As a self-styled chocolate reviewer, though, I can’t let the “chocolate bits” go through to the keeper. Chocolate bits? Chocolate bits? I’m sorry, but something comprised of sugar, then corn cereal, then corn syrup, then corn starch, then palm oil, and then cocoa is not chocolate. It’s corn. With colouring.
That said, I do understand that the name “Corn Chip Cookie Cereal” doesn’t offer the same marketing opportunities as does “Chocolate Chip Cookie Cereal”.
But what, Hannah, (I imagine you’re wondering to yourself) does this cereal taste like? Is it really, like the marketing blurb says, “a nutritious crunchy cereal which is just like eating a bowl of delicious choc-chip cookies for breakfast – without the guilt”?
Well, no. It isn’t. If I close my eyes and wish really hard, I can imagine that these taste a little like cookies. There’s definitely a sweet and almost malty flavour that could be construed as cookie-like, but in all honesty it tastes more like toast to me. The sweetness is a bit tangy, which I’m assuming is because of the cane syrup, and the salt does nicely accentuate the cereal’s almost-cookie-ish flavour. But is this chocolate chip cereal chocolatey? Not on your nelly.
Have I eaten half a box tonight anyway?
On your nelly.
And now, for my last posed question of this review: will I ever buy this cereal again? Absolutely, positively not. However, this isn’t for the reason you might think. You see, I’m not refusing to repurchase this cereal because it doesn’t taste like cookies, or because it’s rather expensive.
No. The reason I will never never never purchase this snack/cereal again is purely grammatical.
Cookie Bite’z. BITE’Z. BITE’Z.
My close friends know that if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s incorrect apostrophe usage.
I can forgive Back to Nature the “z”. I can forgive them the erroneous flavour description.
I can never forgive them the apostrophe.