I don’t know about you, but I need a break from eating and reviewing Cadbury chocolate. Sure, I have at least four more blocks to blog about in the near future, but I can assure you that there’s only so much hyper-sweet milk-diluted mass-market chocolate that I can take at any one time.
So, instead, let’s talk about some moderately-sweet butterfat-diluted mass-market chocolate instead.
(Did anyone else just hear me weep?)
Moser Roth Dark Chocolate Hazelnut Gianduja
I should have known this chocolate wasn’t going to float my boat the moment my camera refused to take a good photo of it. Oh, how I struggled with focus and lighting! And by “struggled”, I mean “lamented the fact that my usual point-and-shoot technique failed me and that I lacked the photomography skills with which to create success out of the failure”.
See? Terrible photos. I even tried turning on the bright heat-lights in the bathroom, putting the chocolate on a plate, balancing that plate on Smurf Toilet, and then taking photos.
Yeah, you heard me. This is toilet chocolate. Want some?
Those of you who have shopped at an Aldi before might have come across Moser Roth. I, however, who before last week had never darkened the doorways of an Aldi store, had no idea that so many intriguing chocolates existed within that cavern of fluorescent budget living. Within two minutes of entering the store I had seven different blocks of chocolate in my basket, but I very virtuously put all but three back on the shelf.
That said, I wish I’d put this one back instead of the dark chocolate with chilli.
I should probably clarify that statement further. You see, this chocolate isn’t nasty by any means. In fact, Moser Roth’s dark chocolate with finely ground hazelnuts (this makes the “gianduja” component) has a rich and sweet chocolate aroma, an appealingly red-black glossy sheen, and a deliciously soft texture that melts luxuriously over your tongue the minute you take a bite. Or a nibble, if you’re trying to be ladylike whilst watching Glee and giggling madly at the final shot of Britney re-enacting a pivotal image from The Lady and the Tramp.
Here’s where my problem – my insurmountable obstacle – with this chocolate lies: orange. I don’t know what the bucket was going on, but the moment I put this chocolate in my mouth I was walloped with a subtle yet pervasive and unyielding taste of Jaffas. I tried to convince myself I was imagining things, for how on earth could a hazelnut chocolate taste nothing like hazelnuts and everything like orange oil? And yet every bite hit me with the same Jaffa-taste, until I simply had to put the chocolate away then bequeath it to my parents, whom I hoped would be able to enjoy it more than me.
In all honesty, I’d be surprised if anyone (apart from me) could taste orange in this chocolate. Quite simply, it doesn’t make sense that even I taste it, but then again I’m ridiculously hyper-sensitive to orange. Perhaps the culprit is simply some sort of artificial acrid flavour which my confused brain has interpreted as orange?
Or maybe this particular bar of chocolate had been stored alongside Moser Roth’s dark chocolate with orange and almond. I don’t know. All I’m sure about is that my stupid brain couldn’t enjoy this chocolate, and that somewhere in America, a fellow with nice hands is playing the piano.
But that last part probably isn’t relevant.