Sometimes, life is cruel. Croooo-el.
Actually, scratch that. Take Two:
Sometimes, the chocolate life is cruel. Croooo-el.
Wait, no. Even that isn’t quite right. It’s too ambiguous. And seeing as I’m again embroiled in essay marking and the act of scrawling (nay, delicately inscribing in a ladylike manner) comments about grammar and wording all over my lovely students’ work, I should probably aim to be as linguistically infallible as possible.
So, Take Three:
Sometimes, the life of a chocolate reviewer is cruel. Croooo-el.
Why? Because a week ago, I was eating crackly-honey-toffee-roasted-peanuts-banana Elvis chocolate that I never wanted to end, and today… I got this.
Cadbury Bar of Plenty Milk Chocolate with Roast Hazelnut and Honey Roast Cashews
This Milk Chocolate with Roast Hazelnut and Honey Roast Cashews is one of two new offerings from Cadbury, the second of which I’ll review soon. I’m fairly certain that the “Bar of Plenty” moniker has an intended meaning of “… Plenty of [Plausibly Tasty] Ingredients”, but here are a few more endings to that phrase that I personally think are more appropriate:
- Plenty of Flavourless Nuts (quiet, Amber)
- Plenty of Diabetes*
- Plenty of Banality
- Plenty of Mindless Munching
- Plenty of Why Do I Feel So Empty After Eating 190g In One Sitting?
There’s a slight chance you might have figured out by now that I don’t think much of this chocolate. In its favour, this milk chocolate had an aroma that brought back a wealth of happy memories for me. My description of said aroma might not ring bells for all of you, but I’m sure you’re clever enough to catch my drift:
The disappointing part is that this bar didn’t taste anywhere near as delicious as pecan-cream-brown-sugar pralines. Above all else, this Cadbury Milk Chocolate with Hazelnut and Honey Roasted Cashews tasted simply of, well, sweetness. I could probably venture to say that the chocolate alone tasted like condensed milk or cheap fudge but, really, it tasted of little but brown sugar. Worse, it barely even tasted like chocolate.
(Full disclosure: I added the “I feel sad” part just then. Darnit, I can’t lie to you folk.)
To be fair, there are a lot of hazelnuts and cashews in this bar. However, I never once caught a skerrick of cashew flavour, honey-roasted or not. The hazelnuts did occasionally contribute some roasted, near-savoury flavours, but more often than not they were as insipid as the cashews.
Look, don’t get me wrong, this chocolate isn’t revolting. If you like super-sweet chocolate and nuts that provide more texture than flavour, this might be the bar for you.
I just need a bit more intensity in my chocolate life. And by “intensity”, I mean “I need to go mark some more essays”.
* Okay, okay, so I know that diabetes isn’t entirely caused by eating lots of sugar, but it can’t help. In addition, one of Australia’s leading Health and Illness sociologists likes to argue that most health problems are socially constructed, so I could probably say that diabetes is caused by an excess of tomfoolery and jibber jabber, if I wanted to.