Let’s play Free Association. Here’s how this will work: in bold you’ll find each word from the title of the below-reviewed chocolate, and in not-bold you’ll see the first thoughts that came to my head upon reading said title.
Moo Kids Chocolate Milk Chocolate Bar with Graham Cracker
Moo: Why are cows never depicted in cartoons as beasts of mucus and slobber? Look, I know that gorgeous cows exist. I’ve seen photos of pretty ones in promotional articles about Jersey cattle. However, every time I’ve seen a cow in real life it’s felt like a horror movie, wherein the cow is trying to impregnate me from six metres away with its terrifying projectile spit. And then I get closer and the cows’ eyes are half-covered in congealed mucus, and I get the collywobbles.
Kids Chocolate: Are you trying to give me an aneurysm with your lack of apostrophe usage?
With: What are you implying? That it’s impossible to be an independent woman? That I’m expected to be a “with”, not a “full stop”? Leave me alone!
Graham: For the first few years of my stupid-high-pressure-overachiever undergraduate degree, I worked one-on-one with Graham Cullum in the English Department at ANU. He was amazing; I’ve never before met anyone who cradled so much information inside his/her brain. We bonded over a love of Tolstoy, and then he (Graham, that is, not Tolstoy. It’s not like we performed séances to ask Tolstoy’s advice on life or anything) introduced me to James Lee Burke whilst I, erm, mostly just joked around and let his intellect wash over me.
It’s one of my deepest regrets that, after my exchange year in the United States, we didn’t get around to having the coffee-catch-up we meant to before he passed away. Graham, if you’re up there looking down at me in the breaks between your frequent heavenly cigarettes, I want you to know I miss you.
Cracker: I also miss bonfire nights. Bathos alert!
It’s probably about time I talk about this organic milk chocolate bar spiked with pieces of broken-up graham cracker, isn’t it? As an Australian lass, graham crackers are not something I’ve eaten before. Not in s’more form, and not on their own, either. However, I do know that they’re supposed to taste somewhat cinnamon-y and a bit toasted. Those are both good things in my book.
The aroma of this Moo Kids Chocolate Milk Chocolate Bar with Graham Cracker was predominately like sweet cocoa-ish caramel, with faint hints of cinnamon.
In terms of the flavour, I believe my exact thoughts upon taking the first bite (free association, remember?) were “Oh dear holy bucket on a stick, this is sweet sweet sweet”. There really isn’t much else to say about the chocolate. Sweetness was the name of the game, which I suppose makes sense if this is a product aimed, as the title suggests, at kids.
The graham crackers were nicely crunchy but weren’t able to stand up, flavour-wise, to the unrelenting sugary sweetness of the chocolate itself. If I was stretching, I might say that there were slight honey and sweetened condensed milk notes in the chocolate, but in all honesty the flavour was mostly unwavering cloying sweetness.
I’m fairly certain kids would love this unassuming piece of confectionary, but for my part I want something with a little more pizzazz.
Yes, I said “with”. Sometimes a girl does want something more than sweetness full stop.